


therapy, you were never a friend to me

by icecreamandlarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Depression, F/M, Jiall? idk it's Jade and Niall, M/M, Self-Harm, also punk!louis, but its okay, harry wears flower crowns, psychiatric hospital, sassy!louis, some of them get angry, there's a little bit of Nade?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-07 19:46:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icecreamandlarry/pseuds/icecreamandlarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows that sometimes looks can be deceiving, that most people would expect the boy with tattoos covering his arms and piercings stuck in various places on his face to, he doesn’t know, maybe like some kind of death metal screamo band, instead of the top 40s pop music that fills his iTunes.</p><p>He thinks that maybe that’s why he doesn’t question it when the boy with the flowers in his hair rises from his seat and silently follows him.</p><p> </p><p>-or, the one where Louis is a sassy little punk who lies a lot, and Harry wears flower crowns and just wants to know the truth</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This used to be in chapters but I decided that I hated that, so. Here it is, I guess.
> 
> The title is from the song Therapy by All Time Low.
> 
> Here come all of my trigger warnings: mention of attempted suicide (past), one self harm scene, and mention of rape (past).
> 
> Needless to say, this story is a work fiction and does not reflect the feelings or my actual thoughts on the characters mentioned. (Especially Nick Grimshaw, sorry man.)
> 
> [Russian Translation](http://ficbook.net/readfic/1720747) by flowertower

* * *

 

**Part One**

 

“Is there anything else that anyone would like to share?” Dr. Wang (no joke, that’s his name), asks, finally uncrossing his legs after an hour of sitting in the same position. His balls must be virtually nonexistent by now, but Louis doesn’t want to think about that too much. “None? Alright well I’ll- oh, so kind of you to make your entrance, Mr. Tomlinson,” Wang sneers, well. He didn't really sneer, but it's not like the doctor meant it in a nice way. Louis thinks that maybe he should work more on his people skills, given his chosen profession.

 

“Ah, yes, Wang. How are you today? Is that rash clearing up, or no?” There was no rash, Louis knows it and so does Dr. Wang which would explain why he just rolls his eyes and crosses his legs again.

 

Dr. Wang scrutinizes Louis with an air of superiority. It's kind of his thing. “Since you _conveniently_ missed nearly the entirety of our meeting, why don’t you introduce yourself to our new members here. Just state your name and have a seat.”

 

Louis grins. He _loves_ new people. “Well,” he starts, stumbling his way into the middle of the circle, “my name is Troy, I’m originally from London. I owned a carpeting business there. I am twenty seven- and a _half-_ years old, born June 22 nd, to Georgia and Joseph Dingleberry.”

 

He looks around the circle, daring any of the other patients to question it. It’s not like he’s never done it before, he likes to pick a new story every time a couple of newbies show up. He’s been Matt, Nick, Aiden- hell, one time he had a girl believing his name was Amir. He likes to make up things, some say that it’s a problem, but he thinks of it as more of a challenge. _Did I tell Jesy that my name was Mark or Jacob? Does Perrie think I’m 24 or 26?_

 

The only person who knows his real name- other than his few close friends here at Holy Hill Hospital- is Dr. Wang and, for whatever reason, he seems to think that Louis should be the one to tell the truth for once, to tell _everyone_ the truth. Thinks he’ll find someone to finally open up to and share his shit past with. Well. He is obviously mistaken. Louis is a _liar,_ it’s what he does, and the only thing he has going for him, if he’s being honest.

 

“Thank you for sharing Mr. Tomlinson,” Wang says dutifully with a tight smile. Louis’ been in here for nearly eight months and yet he still seems to hold onto some fruitless hope that Louis will open up and accept the help that he ‘obviously needs’.

 

Yeah. Not likely.

 

Louis looks around the group, trying to pick out the people he’s never seen before. He recognizes Perrie and Jesy (both there for eating disorders, the tiny little things), near the middle of the group. He spots Niall and Zayn (anger problems and bipolar disorder, respectively). Sitting alone on the outside of the circle, he sees Jade and Leigh-Ann (also anger problems and bipolar disorder, respectively). The only ones he doesn’t recognize are the two boys sitting on either side of Dr. Wang, looking back at him warily. He hisses at them ad smirks when the one with short brown hair and puppy dog eyes winces visibly. The other one, a gorgeous little thing, or should he say _big_ (as in ridiculously long and wiry) thing, with delightfully curly hair and eyes the color of freshly cut grass on a summers day, simply looks on in amusement. Louis vaguely thinks that he should become a poet.

 

Dr. Wang glances between the two boys and nods encouragingly at them.

 

Curly decides to speak up first. Louis notes the gaggle of bracelets on each arm and the crown of flowers that rests daintily upon his head. “Um, I’m Harry. Er, Harry Styles. From Cheshire. I’m eighteen, and like, my parents are Anne and Robin. Well, er, Robin’s not really my dad he’s more like my stepdad, but he practically like, raised me, so.”

 

The doctor nods his approval and turns to Puppy Dog Eyes expectantly.

 

The boy draws in a large breath and promptly burst into tears. Perrie and the other girls circle immediately like vultures, cooing at him as if he were a child, not a grown man of at least eighteen.

 

Jade starts rubbing his back. “It’s okay Liam, you don’t have to share with everyone, I know it’s a lot to take in on the first day.” Puppy Dog Eyes, _Liam_ , nods his head pathetically and leans over to ask the doctor if he could go back to his room. Wang agrees and Liam shuffles off with the girls, leaving behind a cloud of perfume and sadness.

 

“Well, I for one believe that this has been a lovely meeting, but I must be getting back to the common room now. Months of Our Time should be coming on in ten, and I just can’t wait to see who the father of Brittany's baby is. They finished last week with a real cliffhanger.”

 

Louis knows that he might not look like the stereotypical Soap Opera watcher (considering the fact that he’s not a 45 year old, stay-at-home mother). He knows that sometimes looks can be deceiving, that most people would expect the boy with tattoos covering his arms and piercings stuck in various places on his face to, he doesn’t know, maybe like some kind of death metal screamo band, instead of the top 40s pop music that fills his iTunes.

 

He thinks that maybe that’s why he doesn’t question it when the boy with the flowers in his hair rises from his seat and silently follows him.

 

~*~

 

Around halfway through the episode of Months of Our Time, Harry starts shifting around. He chose to sit on the same couch as Louis, so Louis can feel his every movement.

 

“Hey!” Louis shouts finally, tired of being knocked around just because this tall oaf is starting to get restless. “Can you, I don’t know, _not_? Jesus."

 

The boy ceases his movements immediately and frowns. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, face turning red. “I don’t like sitting still for this long. I get antsy.”

 

“Well why don’t you go take a lap around the building or something, god.” Louis doesn’t mean to be this rude, really, it’s just. He still doesn’t know what's going to happen to Brittany’s baby. Is it Philip’s or is it Enrique’s? Louis may never know at this point because now he’s turning to apologize to the boy beside him, even though he is _clearly_ not the one at fault. Louis is just a good person, obviously. He deserves an award.

 

“Look, I’m sorry about snapping at you, okay? I know how bad the first day was for me, so I guess that your's can’t be much better.”

 

The boy’s mouth turns up a little at the corners as he ducks his head. “Can I ask you a question?”

 

“You can but the chances of me answering are slim to none.”

 

“Why are you here?” Harry asks, refusing to make eye contact with the older boy.

 

Louis raises his eyebrows in surprise. No one has ever openly asked him before. “You really want to know?”

 

Harry nods, a grin stretching over his face. “Yeah, yeah. Can’t be too bad, right? I mean, you seem pretty normal to me.”

 

Louis leans forward, his lips close to the boy’s flower-topped head. “I killed a man.” Louis distantly hears Zayn chuckle behind him.

 

Harry gasps quietly and falls back against the arm of the couch. “No you didn’t,” Harry decides after a moment of deliberation (staring, really). “I don’t believe you.”

 

“I did too!” Louis cried indignantly. “I slit his throat. Clean cut, like a proper killer.” He smirks as he takes in Harry’s disgusted expression. He thinks he might enjoy this too much.

 

“Nope. You may be twisted, but I don’t think that you could hurt a fly.” Harry smiles, sitting back up, closer than he was before. “So. Why are you really here?”

 

Louis doesn't answer, just folds his inked arms across his chest and watches Months of Our Time until the announcement for dinner.

 

It was Enrique’s baby, in case you were wondering.

 

~*~

 

Dinner that night was awful, as usual. (Not really, he just likes to complain about things.) Harry insisted on sitting with Louis, Niall, and Zayn, although it’s not as though Louis minded all that much. Harry was nice, attractive, and after his initial nosiness, he hasn’t asked anymore questions.

 

He did, however, ask everyone else why _they_ were there.

 

“I got in a fight,” Niall says vaguely, shrugging his shoulders noncommittally. They don't call him  _Niall "The Gun"_ for nothing, his right arm is  _huge_.

 

Louis smirks, he’s heard this before. “And why did you get into that fight, Niall?”

 

The blonde-haired boy sighs, throwing his fork down on his plate. “Some guy forgot my fries at McDonald's and I punched him in the nose.”

 

Harry snorts into his cup of tea. “That was enough to get you in here?”

 

“Well, it’s not exactly the first time…”

 

Zayn claps his hand on Niall’s shoulder. “Niall here has a long history of violence.”

 

“Only when they deserve it,” Niall mumbles as he picks up his fork again, shoving more meatloaf(?) into his mouth.

 

“I hardly think that someone messing up your order is-“ Harry cut himself off when he notices how red Niall’s face had gotten.

 

Louis jumps into action, wrapping a calming arm around the Irish boy’s heaving shoulders. “Okay Niall, you know the drill. Ten, nine, eight, seven…” Louis stops when it only seems to make Niall angrier. He glances around the cafeteria and catches Jade’s eye, sending her a panicked look. She hurries over, gathering Niall up and taking him out onto the balcony.

 

Harry's scrambling to apologize as soon as Niall was out the door. "I- I didn't know that he would get so upset, he seemed completely fine, I thought he was like, I dunno, lying like you did." He points an accusatory finger at Louis, but doesn't stop. "What should I do? Should I go out there or-“

 

"No!" Zayn and Louis shouts simultaneously. Louis sighs and sits down beside Harry, wrapping a (hopefully) comforting arm around the taller boy's shoulders. “Um, we try to just let Jade calm him down, she knows what to do.”

 

“Yeah,” Zayn murmurs, “he used to pull shit like this all the time. The kid would flip if you looked at him the wrong way.”

 

“Or if you even looked in Jade’s general direction,” Louis adds with a smirk.

 

“Are they, like, together?” Harry asks, looking back and forth between Zayn and Louis as if he were watching a tennis match. The flush across his cheeks is fading and he seems to be returning to his normal, happy-go-lucky self.

 

“Not exactly, well. Kind of. They're just too oblivious to realize how in love they are.”

 

“What's she here for?” What is it with Harry and knowing all of everyone’s secrets?

 

Not that he won’t tell him, of course. “She has problems controlling her anger, same as Niall. Match made in heaven, those two.”

 

Harry chuckles, sinking into Louis’ side. He looks around the table, confused. “Where did Zayn go?”

 

“Ah, yes. I noticed the distinct lack of broody, raven-haired pouters. He must have gone to his room. Doesn’t like people.”

 

“Is that why he’s here? Social anxiety or something?”

 

“No, he’s here because he’s bipolar, I think. I don’t know, I’m not a good listener and he's not much of a sharer. Why do you care anyway?”

 

“I just like getting to know people, you know? It’s better to just get the tough things out of the way, you know?”

 

Harry says 'you know' a lot.

 

“Since you pretty much know why everyone else is here-“

 

“Everyone except you-“

 

“-why don’t you tell me why _you’re_ here.”

 

“I get sad sometimes,” Harry answers simply, shifting out from under Louis’ arm to finish his dinner.

 

“Huh.” Louis goes back to eating his food. “You seem like pretty much the happiest person ever, if I’m being honest. You wear a flower crown for fuck’s sake.”

 

Harry glances away. “Yeah, well. Looks can be deceiving I guess.” When he turns back around, there's a smirk dancing across his lips. “You don’t exactly look like the cold blooded killer you claim to be.”

 

Louis shrugs and hops up from the table, trying his hardest to leave with a sense of, like, mystery or something.

 

 _Channel Zayn, channel Zayn_ , Louis chants to himself as he walks back to the elevator.

 

The doors close and he sags against the wall. He doesn’t know how Zayn is able to do it all the time.

 

 

 

 

**Part Two**

Harry doesn’t seem to have many talents, but if there’s one thing that he’s spectacular at, it’s fucking up schedules. Every day is pretty much the same for Louis. Wake up, eat breakfast, watch some TV with Zayn, eat lunch, play video games and have a kickaround with Niall, eat dinner, take a shower and go to bed.

 

If there’s anything good about being in the looney bin, it would have to be the consistency.

 

“So what are you guys watching?” Harry asks on Tuesday morning, annoyingly cheerful as always.

 

Zayn grunts and Louis doesn't even attempt to tear his eyes away from the screen. They were running a marathon of Breaking Bad and he’s been meaning to catch up on it for weeks now.

 

Louis hears some rustling and when he spares glance towards Harry, the boy was sitting with his long legs spread into a V on the floor with a bundle of flowers in front of him, looking decidedly less cheerful.

 

“Oh, yeah,” Harry mumbles, obviously upset that Zayn and Louis won't talk to him. “I’m having loads of fun here. It’s just like summer camp only they force feed you pills and you’re not allowed outside without a chaperone-“ Now Louis is missing everything that Walt is saying and. And he is just trying to connect with Walt on a deeper level, okay?

 

“And we have to wear these stupid clothes and I only get to call Gemma once a week and that’s just bullshit, right? I mean. An hour a week that’s all I get to-“

 

“Have you quite finished?” Louis asks, finally turning his body towards the younger boy. “Because I’m kind of trying to watch this and- what are you doing?”

 

Harry looks up from where he's holding a few of the flowers in his hands, carefully braiding them all together. “I’m, uh, making a new crown,” he gestured to the top of his head, “these are starting to, like, wilt, you know?” And no, Louis didn’t know, but he can’t help but be endeared by the blush creeping across Harry’s cheeks.

 

Louis looks longingly back at the TV before sliding down onto the floor, mirroring the curly-haired boy. “You make them yourself?” He would be lying (no self-deprecating joke intended) if he said he wasn’t impressed. He had assumed that the flowers were fake, that he bought it from some weird vintage hipster store. Forever 21 or some shit.

 

“Yeah, um, I do.” Harry pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth and looks at Louis through his eyelashes. “Do you wanna- I mean. I could, like, teach you if you want me to. I mean, I don’t have to it’s just. It’s not hard really. My sister taught me a while ago and I think that I’ve gotten pretty good at it by now and they’re really fun to make, I swear. And.”

 

Louis smiles politely (well, he tries, but even on a good day his smile still looks pained) and waits until Harry finishes talking. With one last glance to the TV (it’s not like he really knew what was going on anyway, seeing as he picked it up around season two, episode three) he picks up a few flowers and follows Harry’s lead.

 

Louis doesn’t think about the weird urge that he feels to make this new boy happy.

 

~*~

 

By dinner that night, Louis and Harry had made flower crowns for all of Louis’ friends. And Liam. Puppy Dog Eyes has yet to leave his room and for some reason, Dr. Wang is allowing him to skip out on eating with everyone else. Louis wishes that he could be more of a crier, so maybe he could use that to his advantage, but alas. Louis can’t even remember the last time he cried, much less the last time he did it in front of anyone.

 

~*~

 

Tuesday nights are Louis’ favorite.

 

Sometime during the day, someone decided to tell Harry his real name (it was Niall) and after Harry stopped pouting about it, he started talking to him again. He still frowned a bit when he caught himself call Louis 'Troy' but otherwise, he got over it quickly. Not that Louis cared or anything.

 

He sneaks out of his room around midnight, heading across the hall to Niall’s cave (it’s dark and smoky in there and just gives off a general cave-like vibe, okay?).

 

He knocks quietly and after a few seconds he hears a stifled cough and the door opens up a crack. “What’s the password?” Niall asks, voice scratchy from the smoke that Louis knows he’s been inhaling.

 

Louis smirks. “Move out of the fucking way, Ni.” He starts pushing on the door, but it wouldn’t budge. “Really? This again? God okay. _Niall is the craic daddy 4/20 blaze it_.”

 

“Password accepted.” Niall reports in a robotic voice. “Welcome to my humble abode.” He pulls the door open and Louis enters into the room through a cloud of smoke (he probably looks pretty cool). Once his eyes adjust to the darkness of Niall’s room, he frowns.

 

“Okay, who invited them?”

 

Liam and Harry look up from where they're huddled together on the couch, reading something that Perrie's showing them from a magazine. “I did,” she replies, raising her eyebrows as if she was daring him to defy her. “Is that a problem?”

 

“No, no.” Perrie may be small as a twig but she’s as terrifying as a linebacker.

 

“That’s what I thought. Now,” she takes a glance around the room; everyone's here. “what game will it be tonight?”

 

~*~

 

Somehow they ended up playing poker. It was hard to find things to bet with, but once everyone returned from a quick trip to their rooms, they had a pretty nice collection.

 

“I’m all in,” Niall announces, pushing his remaining items (a pack of gum, three toothpicks, a disposable razor, and a box of Junior Mints) into the middle of his small bed-side table.

 

A chorus of I folds went up around the room, until it was just Niall and Harry. (Louis’ shit at poker and was out in the first five minutes, Liam didn’t even play). Niall stares Harry down and the taller boy meets his gaze unwaveringly, reaching up to adjust his flower crown. Everyone cracks out a laugh at that, but neither boy seems to notice.

 

“Alright, just show ‘em already!” Perrie shouts (not too loud, so as not to alert the nurses).

 

Niall smirks. “Someone call the Tanner’s because I gotta full house!” He slams his cards on the counter and raises an eyebrow. “That was a shit joke,” he admitted, “but beat that, Styles.”

 

Harry places his cards daintily on the table with a small smile. “Sorry, mate.” He raises up on his knees slowly, carefully wrapping his arm around his winnings (Niall’s things along with two hairbows, some bobby pins, three more razors, an empty pill bottle, and a comb) and pulls them towards him.

 

“You cheated! There’s no way you could pull a straight flush on your first game!”

 

Harry looks genuinely offended at the accusation. “I never said this was my first game, I said that I haven’t played in a while. I played all the time at family game nights.”

 

Louis pulls Niall back by his shoulder and looks at Harry, feeling the need to protect him. “It’s fine Haz,” he ignores the way Harry’s eyes light up when the nickname slips out, “Niall’s just terrible at admitting defeat.”

 

“That’s because I always win!” He cries, dramatically throwing himself onto Jade’s lap.

 

Louis’ just thankful that the combination of weed and alcohol always makes Niall whine rather than go into a fit of anger, which is what normally happens when he loses at absolutely anything.

 

~*~

 

After a few more rounds, Harry follows Louis back into his room, the bag of Harry’s winnings held loosely in his hand.

 

Somehow, Harry decides that they should play 20 questions until they fall asleep.

 

Somehow, Louis decides to humor him.

 

“What’s your favorite color, Lou?” Harry looks up at him from where he’s laying, his head by Louis’ hip. It's easy to pretend like they've known each other forever.

 

“Orange,” Louis lies.

 

 “Are you lying?” Harry asks, craning his neck more to meet the older boy’s eyes.

 

“No,” Louis lies again.

 

And for the first time in his life, he actually feels bad for keeping the truth from someone.

 

~*~

 

Harry is an enigma to Louis. He’s always around, always within reaching distance to Louis and Louis has been nothing but horrible to him. It’s not like he’s doing it consciously, it’s just a natural instinct for him to pull away from anyone who shows any interest in getting close to him.

 

“Hey. Hey, Lou?” Harry pulls on his flower crown anxiously, a little nervous tick that Louis’ picked up on over the past week.

 

Louis makes a big show of putting down his drink, turning to the curly-haired boy as if listening to Harry was the last thing that he could possibly want to do. (It isn’t, it might be the first.) “Yes, Harry?”

 

“What are you doing on Saturday?”

 

Today was Monday, and it seemed a bit early to ask about his weekend plans, even though they’re literally the exact same as every other day. “I dunno, I was thinking about hitting up the mall, maybe a movie. I’ve been meaning to see- what was that one, Zayn? The one with the fire?”

 

“Catching Fire,” Zayn supplies from his seat beside Liam. And that’s- new. They’ve gotten awfully close, Louis observes. Liam’s been emerging from his room more now, but only with Zayn by his side.

 

“Yes. Catching Fire. Why do you wanna know, Styles? You asking me out?” Louis meant it as a joke, but he immediately regrets it when Harry’s face turns bright red and a frown takes the place of his shy smile.

 

“No- no, I mean. I don’t even like- like, you know how things. People can’t just-“

 

“Harry, jesus christ, calm down before you blow something.” Zayn snorts. Louis feels bad some more. “I mean, just. Come here.” He took Harry’s arm, pulling him towards the doors that lead out to the balcony in the back of the cafeteria. “Are you okay?”

 

The taller boy pulles on the too-long sleeves of his ever-present hoodie. “Yeah, I’m just. I’m just being stupid ‘s all.” He plops down on the bench, his leg immediately bouncing up and down.

 

“Are you nervous about Group today? Because- I mean you did great last week. It’s really not as bad as I make it out to be; I’m just an ass about it. How about this; I’ll even come on time today, we can go together, yeah?”

 

Harry smiles in relief. “Yeah, that’s. That’s really nice of you Louis.”

 

Louis’ thankful that Harry’s too busy staring at his lap to notice the blush creeping across his face.

 

“Well. Don’t get used to it or anything.”

 

~*~

 

Group isn’t exactly as bad Louis remembers it.

 

It’s not really that Harry makes things better, but... Louis wouldn’t say it’s _not_ him.

 

He’s just such an honest and good person and Louis isn’t used to having people around who are like that.

 

When Perrie talks about her relapse, he immediately goes to her, wrapping his arms around her tiny body and wiping away her tears with his shaking fingers. Harry spent so much of the meeting comforting others and talking to them, that Louis almost missed the fact that he never once talked about himself or his problems.

 

It’s not as though he has any room to comment without sounding like a complete hypocrite; no one there even knows why he’s here and he feels like complete and utter shit because he physically can’t tell anyone. He opens his mouth and then out spills some total lie that he just pulls out of nowhere. He can’t just tell people the truth like the doctor always suggests. It seems completely impossible and he didn’t even care about it- didn’t even think about telling anyone anything until Harry came along.

 

“Okay, guys,” Dr. Wang says loudly, clapping his hands together to get everyone’s attention. “Liam’s asked if he could share with you all why he’s here.”

 

That surprises Louis. Liam’s been reserved, so quiet that sometimes Louis even forgets that he’s here. He spends almost all of his time in his room, only coming out for the occasional meal (with Zayn) and to watch TV (with Zayn). Now that he thinks of it, Louis has seen Puppy Dog Eyes disappear into the dark-haired boy’s room, armed with several comic books and superhero movies, on more than one occasion.

 

With a quick glance at Zayn, Liam starts his story. “Um, at my school, there weren’t people like me. No one was-“ his eyes dart across everyone in the circle before landing on Zayn again. When Zayn gives him an encouraging nod, he continues. “No one was gay. I was popular, you know? Like, I was good at football and I had dated all the prettiest girls- not that I really liked them- and went to the best parties and- And then it all just ended one day.

 

“I was kind of dating this guy. He went to a school close to mine and he wasn’t really popular there but people knew that he was gay. He had friends and everything, not many, but enough." Liam runs a hand through his hair, breathing deeply. “We- One day we were hanging out and he like, was taking pictures of us together. We were just having fun and messing about, you know?”

 

Louis didn’t know because he stumbled out of the closet in year nine, and no one gave two shits about it.

 

“Well, then one day I came to school and people were staring. I didn’t know why, I thought that I had something on my face or my clothes. So I asked one of my teammates what was up and he just. He just shoved me. We were best mates, practically brothers, and he just pushed me away like I was nothing. He started yelling, calling me a fag and a queer and a cocksucker and- and-“

 

“Li,” Zayn cuts in, coming across the circle to sit on the floor by Liam’s knee. “You don’t have to babe.”

 

Liam wipes away the tears that are streaming down his face in vain. “No. I- I need to get it out. I can’t get better if I don’t get it all out, right?” He looks at Dr. Wang in question and the doctor nods with a sad, but proud, smile.

 

“Okay. Well, anyway, the guy just caused this huge scene and then everyone knew and I didn’t- I didn’t want to be out, I didn’t want people to know because somehow, in the back of my mind I knew that that would happen. I knew how things would end and I just wasn’t ready for it.

 

“So I left early. I didn’t sign out or tell anyone where I was going, I just left. I went home and cried for- I don’t even know how long and then I was in the bathroom and just staring at myself in the mirror, like, hating myself. Hating myself in a way that I never had before, because I’d always been normal but then everyone knew I was gay and suddenly I wasn’t normal. I was weird and wrong and I just couldn’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror so I- I broke it.

 

“I punched the hell out of that mirror and just kept doing it until my hands were red and I couldn’t even see because of the pain. Well,” Liam amends, his mouth twitching, “I could see well enough to find a razor.”

 

Louis flinches.

 

He looks down at his thighs, rubbing his palms against them as if he could still feel the scars, which- maybe he could.

 

“I just started going at it. Like with the mirror but worse because by that point I couldn’t even feel anything. There was just this dull ache throughout my whole body and it didn’t even matter anymore because I couldn’t feel anything after a while and then. Then I just blacked out and I thought that I was dead. I was so happy because I thought that it was all over, but then I woke up and I was here. Well, not here but I was in the ICU downstairs. For about a month and then they sent me here. So. Yeah, that’s about it.”

 

Louis looked around the group, shocked that someone so- so Liam, so quiet and reserved and kind, would have to go through something like that. Everyone else was either already crying or about to and Harry had already set to work on cheering everyone up, his own mouth tinged with sadness.

 

The doctor pats Liam on the back in a gesture that Louis was sure was meant to be reassuring. “Thank you for sharing Liam, that was really brave of you.”

 

Liam shrugs, but only slightly, his eyes wet. “I wasn’t being brave, just being honest.”

 

And that. That struck something inside Louis that he hadn’t ever felt before. He was charged up, like the time Niall dared him to drink six Redbulls in six minutes, and was trying to stay as still as possible. His eyes fill with tears and he just has to leave.

 

So he does.

 

He's the first one out the door, but it’s not as though any of the others would be leaving anytime soon, what with all the comforting and cuddles going on in there. He practically sprints to his room, slamming the door so fast his ears are ringing.

 

Once the door was closed it was like the dam inside of him broke. Crumpling to the floor, his tears finally spill over, drenching his face in a matter of seconds. It's the worst kind of crying, the type where there's snot everywhere and he can’t keep his eyes dry long enough to see to move onto his bed.

 

Next thing he knows, there's a knock on the door. He doesn’t answer, just hopes that Harry would go away; because he knows without a doubt in his mind that that’s who it is.

 

The door opens a crack and Harry’s gravelly voice drifts through. “Lou? Hey, are you-“ Louis knows the exact moment that Harry sees him; can hear his breath catching on his words, the door swinging open wider. “Babe, what’s wrong?” Without any hesitation, he sits down next to Louis, his long legs somehow folding up underneath him so that he's closer to Louis’ level.

 

“I lie,” is the first thing to come out of Louis’ mouth. He gasps at his own words, surprised that he said anything at all, much less the _truth_.

 

Harry looks confused and then promptly falls over so he can lay down, mimicking Louis’ position. “What did you lie about?”

 

“Everything.” Louis mutters. It seems that now the walls have started breaking down and he doesn’t know what’s going to fly out of his mouth next. Harry still looks confused, and Louis sighs. “Liam’s here because he tried to kill himself. You’re here because you’re depressed, right?”

 

“Well, it’s not-“

 

“I’m here because I lie. I can’t help it, I just do and you better squeeze any information that you want out of me now because I don’t know how much longer I’ll be, I don’t know," he waves a hand around, "not lying.” Louis doesn’t want Harry to ask him a damn thing, but he knows if he does, only the truth will fall from Louis' lips.

 

It's been a week, a fucking week, and Louis' telling him things that he hasn't told any of his other friends here. He doesn't know what it is about Harry, but. There's something there, Louis would be an idiot to try and deny it.

 

Harry smiles, scooting closer, always closer. “I just have one question.”

 

Louis hopes that it isn’t the one question that he doesn't want to answer.

 

_Do you like me?_

 

Because the answer would be a big fat yes and Louis isn’t quite ready to admit that out loud yet.

 

“Okay,” Harry says, as if bracing himself.

 

“What’s really your favorite color?”

 

~*~

 

Louis wakes up the next morning with his back hurting like a motherfucker and a mouth full of curls and flowers. He shouldn’t be as happy as he is.

 

“Lou?” Harry asks quietly, like he isn't sure if he's allowed to speak, which. That’s ridiculous. Louis is pretty obviously fond of him.

 

Louis peeks one eye open, glancing down at Harry. “Have you been awake for a while?” Harry nods carefully, making sure not to jostle Louis in the process. “And you’ve just been letting me lay here and suck on your hair.”

 

Harry blushes. “You weren’t really sucking so much as, like, chewing.”

 

The older boy jerks away at that, embarrassed. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”

 

Harry laughs loudly and claps a hand over his mouth as if he needs to silence the sound.

 

“Oh, so the flower child’s making jokes now, I see how it is.”

 

Harry scoffs and jumps up, offering Louis a hand. “Your eye liner’s running,” Harry warns. Louis gasps and turns towards the small mirror on the back of his door.

 

“Ass.” Louis shakes his head fondly. “I shouldn’t have fallen for it, my eye liner is always perfect. Look who’s the liar now.”

 

Harry’s grin dims a little and he looks at Louis seriously. “You don’t, like, regret telling me that yesterday, do you?”

 

Louis lifts the corners of Harry’s mouth until he's smiling like normal, well as normal as he can, what with fingers shoved half into his mouth. “I have one rule in life, Harry. I will have no regrets. None.”

 

Louis pulls his fingers back as Harry nods, accepting this, his eyes crossing a little as he tries to look at both of Louis’ eyes at once.

 

The older boy doesn’t even realize that he was leaning in to kiss him, until he's pulling away. “Let’s, uh- let’s go eat breakfast, yeah?”

 

Louis’ never broken his ‘no regrets’ rule, but there’s a first time for everything. 

 

~*~

 

Breakfast is good, the best one that Louis’ had in his eight months here, not that that’s saying much.

 

Liam is there, Zayn sitting by his side, proudly, practically spoon-feeding him. Louis doesn’t know if they’re a thing or not, but they probably will be soon. It _has_  only been a week. Well, Zayn started shagging Perrie within three days of her arrival here. They ended that pretty quickly though, deciding that it wasn't such a good idea in the long run.

 

The purple-haired girl wasn’t at breakfast again, but neither was Jesy, so they may just be eating in their rooms. Wang allows that sometimes after particularly hard days.

 

Harry decided to skip breakfast, claiming that he was still tired even after he and Louis slept on the floor of his room for nearly fourteen hours. Louis knows that he was upset about something, but he's sure that Harry will get over it; he always does.

 

Niall's here though, and he sits down his tray and plops into his chair with the grace of an elderly elephant. He seems to be in a cheerful mood. “So, what happened with you and Harry last night?” He waggles his eyebrows and starts doing very suggestive things that one should not be doing with a sausage link.

 

“He came to see if I was okay and then we fell asleep on the floor. That’s all.” Louis would be lying if he said he wasn’t proud of himself for that; he didn’t even really lie much. He may be getting better after all.

 

Niall, Zayn, and Liam exchange glances that involve a lot of raised eyebrows and head jerks towards Louis and the general direction of patient’s room. Without another word, Niall gets up and heads towards Harry’s room.

 

“You like him.” Zayn states simply, turning back to feed Liam a bit of his bacon.

 

“Niall?” Louis asks, playing dumb because he’s good at it. “Yeah, I mean. He’s alright I guess-“

 

Zayn glares at him so hard Louis almost chokes on his cereal. “I meant Harry, you twat.”

 

Louis laughs. “Ha. Yeah, uh, no I don’t.” Well, the whole ‘not lying’ thing was just shot to hell. "It's been a week, even I don't move that quickly."

 

Zayn ignores him in favor of laughing at something cute that Liam probably did. Louis is going to vomit all over everything.

 

~*~

 

Louis hates Tuesdays. Well, more specifically, he hates the second Tuesday of every month.

 

On that day, Louis has his meetings with Caroline (well, she prefers Dr. Watson, but to each their own). Louis doesn’t like her for many reasons.

 

First and foremost, she pries. She asks him so many little questions about every aspect of his fucking life and it all just seems so pointless. But when he tells her this, she says bullshit things like _I’m just getting to know you, Louis_ or _All things are important to me, Louis_ , and his personal favorite is _No need to get defensive, dear, you’ve got nothing to hide… do you?_ He's been here for over half a year and the most she's gotten out of him is his first and last name. Though he's pretty sure that those are on his file.

 

“So, how’s Louis today?” That’s another thing that just grates on his nerves. She always asks how he’s doing and she _always_ talks in third person when she asks him. It’s like she’s trying to be the stereotypical shrink. He hates it. He hates her.

 

Louis smiles sweetly. “Louis is fine, thanks.” Two can play at this game.

 

Caroline writes something down.

 

Louis stares at the drawing of a cock on the edge of her desk. He wonders if she knows it’s there.

 

“How do you like your new suitemates?” She asks, pointedly ignoring his sarcasm, as usual.

 

Louis looks up. “Don’t call them suitemates, don’t glorify my situation. I’m a prisoner, Caroline.”

 

Caroline scowles. She does that a lot. “Why do you think of yourself as a prisoner, Louis? Is it an internal problem? Or do you feel literally trapped here?”

 

“Stop trying to dissect me; it’s not going to work. You know it won’t.”

 

“I’m not trying to rile you up, Louis. I’m just doing my job.”

 

“Your job is to fix me and thus far that has not happened.” He crosses his arms across his chest and scowles in the general direction of the book case in the corner of her office. He wonders what _Hurt and in Pain_ is about.

 

Caroline follows his line of sight to the bookshelf. “That book is about a boy who gets abused mentally by his mother.” She looks back at him, now. “Did that happen to you? Is that why you find yourself compulsively lying?” Sometimes Louis forgets that she knows things like that.

 

Louis’ mouth falls open. He doesn’t know if it’s shock (that she could ask) or disbelief (that she could even consider that his mother would do that). “No!” He practically shouts, having to physically restrain himself from standing up and walking out. “She- she’d never.”

 

Caroline writes something down.

 

~*~

 

Louis doesn’t know where to go after his session with Caroline. He’d normally go and play Mario Cart with Zayn, but he’s been granted permission to take Liam on a tour of the rest of the hospital (which Louis thinks is absolutely ridiculous).

 

So, he goes to Harry. Well, to his door at least.

 

“Hey Haz?” He asks, knocking gently on the door before trying to push it open. It won’t budge. He knows that these doors don’t lock. Well, at least his doesn’t. “Haz what’re you doing?”

 

When he gets no answer, he starts panicking. He doesn't know why, but he does know that the doors here don’t lock. That’s not a luxury that they get, privacy. “Harry Styles if you don’t open the door in three seconds, I will start screaming and I know for a fact that Paul’s working today. He will get this door down.”

 

“One,” Louis starts, raising his finger as if Harry could see him. “Two,” his middle finger went up to join his first. “Th-“ The door flings open and he's yanked inside. “What the- Harry, what happened?”

 

There was just a lot of blood, like. Everywhere. It looks like his room had been the site of some kind of animal torture voodoo thing. He was about to say something intelligent, but the words die in his throat when he sees where the blood is coming from.

 

“Don’t tell, please,” Harry begs, new tears spilling over where some had already obviously dried. “I couldn’t- you didn’t- please Louis.”

 

Louis doesn’t know where to look, if he’s being honest. There's a razor on his desk, a towel with blood drying on it sitting on his bed, and then there's his legs. There are lines of blood seeping through his thin white boxers, streams running down to his knobby knees.

 

Louis doesn’t know what to do. Harry looks so frantic, shaking all over, just staring at Louis like he's waiting for him to scream at him.

 

He feels sick.

 

“I can- I can clean it up,” Harry whispers, pulling at his hair, which is crown-less for the first time Louis’ seen.

 

Finally, the older boy jumps into action, pulling the chair that must have been used to hold the door shut over towards Harry. “Babe, sit down.” He uses his calming voice, the one that he used on his sisters when he was trying to get them to go to sleep. He's sure that Harry would have been offended by it if they were in any other situation.

 

Harry sits, his back straight and his feet planted firmly on the floor.

 

How is there so much blood?

 

“I’m gonna go grab my towel, okay? Don’t move.” Harry whines in the back of his throat, but doesn’t say anything as Louis sprints out of the room. He's back in fourteen seconds, a new record, he’s sure.

 

He runs the towel under the warm water from Harry’s sink and kneels in front of him. “I don’t know if this is going to hurt, but I’m gonna lift these up, okay?” Harry doesn’t say anything, just nods, glancing down and meeting Louis eyes for a millisecond before flitting away.

 

He gently pulls the fabric away from the cuts and barely contains a gasp when he sees the lines running across the tops of Harry’s thighs. It wasn’t as bad as he originally thought, but it’s no picnic, either. “Harry,” Louis murmurs, not knowing where to touch, his hands hovering above the curly haired boy’s fiery skin. “Babe, what happened? Why did you hurt yourself like this?”

 

Louis eyes skim up the length of Harry’s body and when they catch sight of his wrists, he knows it wasn’t the first time.

 

In-between the throng of bracelets, there were tiny scars, little lines running horizontally across his thin wrists. When Harry notices him staring, he finally speaks.

 

“They said I did it for attention.” Louis jerks his head up to meet Harry’s eyes. “They said that if you really wanted to kill yourself, you cut vertically; it cuts open all the important stuff, you know?” Louis doesn’t know, but he doesn’t mention it. “They didn’t understand though, didn’t understand that I didn’t do it to kill myself. I just- I wanted to feel something, anything.

 

“They would-“ Harry barks out a laugh but there was no humor behind it. “They would say things like, _maybe you should try harder next time, Harry_ and it’s like. That didn’t happen in real life, did it? It only happened in books and movies. People always help people when they hurt themselves, right? There’s no way that kids could be that mean, is there?”

 

It's a rhetorical question; Louis doesn't answer.

 

“I don’t know why I started; don’t know where it came from. I just felt sad all the time. And I- I wanted to feel again, even if it was just this white-hot searing pain. But then, I couldn’t even feel that anymore. It’s ridiculous right? The fact that I can literally take a blade and just slice open the skin on my wrist and I can’t even feel it anymore.”

 

Harry takes in a shaky breath.

 

Louis feels sick.

 

“So, I moved to my legs. Everyone thought that I had stopped and that I was all better; my mom smiled at me again and my sister started joking and making fun of me again and I just- I figured that I was doing something right. And then, even when I felt a tiny bit better about myself, I would find myself taking the razor to my leg. I couldn’t stop. I wanted to- I _want_ to. But, any time something went wrong, like if my parents got mad at me for taking out the trash, or Gemma ignored me because I walked into her room without knocking, I would do it. I didn’t want to keep living like that, so I told my parents to send me here. And they did.”

 

Louis picks up the towel and starts dabbing at Harry’s legs before the blood dries any more than it has already. “Haz, what happened today? What made you-?”

 

Harry’s face flushes, his lips turning cherry-red as he sinks his teeth into the flesh. “Babe, you can tell me, I would never-“

 

“You didn’t want to kiss me.” Harry blurts, immediately looking like he regrets it. “Last night.” He casts his eyes downwards, staring at his hands that are twitching, hanging loosely by his sides.

 

It was Louis’ fault, then, he realizes, ignoring Harry's protest of otherwise. “Haz, I-“ Louis is not going to cry right now. He is strong and he can do this. “I did want to. I wanted to kiss you; I want to kiss you all the time.” It isn’t until he says it, that he realizes how true that statement is. He knew that he was attracted to Harry, but he didn’t want to allow himself to actually like him. Louis hasn’t liked anyone, romantically or otherwise (let’s be honest), in a long time.

 

Harry looks up slowly like he doesn’t believe him. “Then why did you pull away from me?” He looks so innocent in that moment, Louis just wants to wrap him up in his arms and protect him from the world at large. He will, he vows silently, but first he needs to finish cleaning him up.

 

“I was scared,” Louis admits, as he starts dabbing Harry’s other leg. “I’m not used to feeling things like this, falling for someone so fast. It’s been a week, Harry. I mean, really. I shouldn’t feel the way that I feel about you.” He doesn’t know how he’s being so honest, his words slipping out so quickly he couldn’t have stopped them if he wanted to.

 

No regrets, right?

 

“How do you- I mean, like, how do you feel? About me.”

 

Louis takes a deep breath, focusing on telling the truth. Harry's really pushing it here, but Louis can’t blame him for it. “I feel like- I feel like I want to protect you. Like, I want to hurt anyone who every hurt you and all of those people who made you feel bad. I feel like- I just like you, Harry. I don’t know why and I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but at some point, I started falling for you. I’m not like, proper in love or anything, I don’t even know if I’m capable of loving some-“

 

Harry’s hands came up to cover Louis. “I’m sure you are Lou,” he said quietly. “And I- I feel the same. But, like, about you.”

 

Louis would have laughed if he weren’t currently cleaning the self-inflicted cuts off of this beautiful curly-haired boy.

 

~*~

 

Louis and Harry sneak into Louis’ room to eat lunch.

 

Harry's still quiet, only talking when prompted and only eating a few bites of his meatloaf.

 

“Are you gonna be okay, Haz?” Louis asks when Harry slides his styrofoam tray away from him.

 

“I don’t know.” Harry whispers like it's a secret. “I don’t think I’ll ever be okay.”

 

“Hey,” Louis chides, rubbing Harry’s back in circles like his mum used to do. “Don’t think like that. I never thought that I’d stop lying, but I haven’t told you a lie since last night, have I?”

 

Harry smiles a little. “How would I know if you were lying or not?”

 

Louis sniffs like he's offended. “You have no faith in me, Styles.” Louis starts to smile but then looks down at Harry’s legs, picturing the scars that are hidden underneath his jeans, wrapped up under half a roll of gauze that he stole from the nurse’s station. “I’m going to have to take your razors,” Louis says seriously.

 

Harry nods. “Yeah, I know,” the curly-haired boy hesitates, messing with the flowers on his head. “But. I’m okay with it, Lou. I want to get better. With your help, I- I think I can."

 

 

 

 

**Part Three**

Louis and Harry have gotten close over the past month. They aren’t in each other’s back pockets or anything, but friendly enough that people start asking questions.

 

Case-in-point: Zayn Mailk.

 

“So are you and Harry together or what?”

 

He’ll admit, Harry has been quite a bit more friendly, in terms of the whole touching and occasionally a kiss on the cheek thing.

 

Even then, he doesn’t think that it’s enough to warrant this kind of attention from his friends.

  

Louis sighs. This is about the third time someone has asked him (today) and he’s just about sick of it. “No! Why do you all have to ask?” After their revelation a few weeks ago, neither of them has so much as mentioned the conversation. It’s not that Louis doesn’t want to. He just doesn’t wasn’t to be the one to bring it up first. “We’re not together!” Louis shouts to the cafeteria as a whole, just in case any of the geriatric patients from the second floor were curious about his not-so love life.

 

“Who’s not together?” Harry asks, coming to sit on Louis’ right side, the only open seat left at the table; the one Louis not so subtly kicked Liam out of. (Whatever, it’s not a thing.) Not that Liam isn’t looking just peachy from his perch on Zayn’s lap. Yeah, they’re a thing now. A sick and weird and just fucking adorable thing.

 

Unlike he and Harry.

 

“Lou-“

 

“Niall and Jade!” Louis cuts in loudly, obviously. Not that Harry notices; too busy grinning down at his food. He must think that the cafeteria women hung the fucking moon or something, because every time they have- and okay, wait. That’s not the food he’s staring at. It’s a cellphone.

 

Louis rips it out of his hands and holds it up as if he were Rafiki and Harry’s phone was Simba. “You guys, Harry’s got his-“

 

“Hey!” Harry takes it back and puts it in his pocket, looking very much like he does not want all of the eyes at their table on him. “Can you stop staring, please?”

 

No one stops, but Niall speaks up. “What the fuck man. How’d you get your phone back?”

 

Phones are a big no-no in the Ward. No one is allowed to have them, consequently limiting everyone’s contact with the outside world to a thirty minute long phone call once a week and the nightly news that’s generally on in the cafeteria during dinner.

 

“Dr. Wang gave it to me. Said that I was doing better.” His eyes flit to Louis for half a second and the older boy frowns. So. Harry didn’t tell Wang about the incident.

 

Louis pulls on Harry’s arm. “Come on, Hazza.” Harry gets up slowly, carrying his untouched food with him to the seating outside. Louis doesn’t even know why they offer it when there are approximately three clear days out of the year in London. Today is no different; the rain coming down in sheets. “So you didn’t tell Wang about what happened, I assume?”

 

“Lou. Don’t make a big deal out of this, please.” Harry begs, sitting down at the only table that provides any kind of shelter from the rain.

 

Louis sits across from him and has to physically stop himself from slapping the younger boy across the face. “Don’t make a big deal out of this?” He repeats, baffled that Harry could ask that of him. “Harry do you know what I saw when I walked into your room that night?” He didn’t want to have this conversation this way, but dammit if he’s letting Harry get away with being so nonchalant about the whole thing. “I saw blood Harry.” He sees the taller boy flinch, but doesn’t stop. “Jesus, Haz. There was so much and it was everywhere and I didn’t know if you were going to be okay or not-“

 

“It was only a few-“

 

“Don’t you dare say that it was ‘only a few cuts’, Harry Styles. You scared the fucking shit out of me, okay? There were so many of them and you wouldn’t talk- you just sat there and had this catatonic look on your face- and. Don’t act like everything’s okay when it’s not.”

 

“I’m not!” Harry shouts. Louis blinks; Harry never yells. “I’m just not over analyzing the situation, like you seem to be! You don’t understand anything that’s going on in my life- in fact, you don’t know anything about me, do you?”

 

Louis wasn’t supposed to answer- he knows- but he does anyway. “Well maybe if you talked about yourself instead of always worrying about other people-“

 

“No, no, no, Louis.” Harry cuts him off, sharply. Louis can tell that Harry has reached the boiling point, there’s no turning back; no control-alt-delete. He wasn’t getting out of this one unscathed. “Don’t you dare talk to me about not sharing things when you’ve been here for eight months and no one else even knows why you’re really in this hospital in the first place! Maybe if you weren’t such a liar you could get out of here and move on with your life. Maybe that way you won’t be stuck in here until your thirty, having to Google lies to tell people because you’ve run out!”

 

Harry takes a deep breath like he’s relieved, but his face crumples as Louis starts to walk away. “No, Lou! Wait, I didn’t-“

 

Louis stops, pasting a smile on his face before he turns around. “No. You’re right, Harry.”

 

“I didn’t mean-“

 

“No regrets, right?” Louis tosses over his shoulder before he walks back to his room and cries for only the second time since he entered this hell-hole.

 

~*~

 

Zayn comes to try and coerce Louis out of his room, but Louis will be having none of that.

 

He uses his dinner time later to call his mom and tell her all about the lovely boy he met who’s being a total dick right now (he may have phrased that a little differently). He also talks to Lottie and she gives him tips that she’s seen in Seventeen Magazine. Louis pretends to listen and tells her that he’ll definitely take them into consideration. (He won’t.)

 

He’s almost asleep when someone knocks on his door. He flops onto his side and stares blearily at the clock on his bedside table. 1:37.

 

He slides on his glasses and stumbles his way to the door, opening it slowly.

 

“What?” He mumbles, his eyes closed against the bright light of the hallway, fuck why can't they turn these out at a reasonable hour. When he gets no response, he opens his eyes carefully, eyebrows furrowed. “What do you-“

 

“Hi,” Harry says slowly, like Louis’ a ticking bomb and he could explode any second. (That might not be a bad simile.)

 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Oops,” he murmurs before shutting the door. If he had known who was on the other side, he wouldn’t have even gotten out of bed in the first place.

 

“Lou, please,” Harry begs through the door, his voice quiet but even. A nurse will come for him before long, Louis' sure. “I didn’t mean that stuff- come on, please just open up.”

 

Louis doesn’t open up.

 

The next morning, Louis wakes up and goes about his routine as usual: put in his contacts, apply some eyeliner (the darker the better, he always says), get dressed. He had almost forgotten about Harry until he opened he bedroom door and the curly-haired little fucker fell backwards into his room.

 

“Ahh!” Harry screams, clearly woken up in just about the worst way possible.

 

Louis frowns. “Did you stay out here the whole night?”

 

“Yes,” Harry answers, like he was unsure if that was what Louis wanted to hear. And that- well, that was kind of sweet. In a mildly creepy way. “Lou, I-“

 

“Nope,” the older boy cuts him off, sidestepping his way out of the room. “I’m not having this conversation without a cup of tea first.”

 

Harry’s eyes light up and it looks like the fucking sun came out. “Does that mean- can we work through this? This was our first fight.”

 

“Our first- what?” Louis snorts. “You act like we’re a couple or-“

 

“Are we not?” Harry asks, and Louis almost laughs until he sees the look on the younger boy’s face.

 

“Harry. We aren’t- we aren’t, like, dating.” He meant for it to be a statement; they are not a couple, but it still sounded more like a question.

 

“But- I thought that after we talked about everything and I mean we- we slept together-“

 

“Yeah, Tommo!” a disheveled Niall shouts in passing, “get some!”

 

Louis rolls his eyes and pulls Harry into his room. Why did he think this conversation would be a good one to have in the hallway of a mental ward?

 

“Harry just because you like someone doesn’t mean that you’re dating.”

 

“I know that, but. But the feelings were mutual, we- we discussed it.” Harry looks on the verge of crying and any traces of residual anger from their fight last night are erased completely. “I mean- I’ve never been with anyone before, I thought that- I. Never mind,” Harry tries to get up, but Louis grabs his wrists gently and pulls him down onto his lap. It was awkward because Harry was about six feet taller than him and at least four hundred pounds heavier, give or take; Louis wasn’t all that good with estimations.

 

“Haz. Have you never-? Like. It’s not a bad thing, but.” Louis didn’t know how to say it without making Harry feel awkward. “Have you ever dated anyone before?” Harry shook his head, but he didn’t seem uncomfortable, nuzzling his head into Louis shoulder. He seems quite content, rather. “Harry. When you like someone- and they like you back, of course- you have to ask them before you start dating or whatever.” Louis doesn’t have much dating experience himself, preferring a more casual ‘fuck and chuck’ than an actual relationship. He's never claimed to be anything less than garbage.

 

He can count the number of relationships he’s been in on one hand and the serious one’s on two fingers. Eleanor Calder was the first at the beginning of sixth form that lasted for almost six months. He didn’t really get much out of that relationship. Other than the confirmation of his sexuality, which he announced pretty soon after he and El broke up. Well, he didn’t so much as announce it as get caught by the entire football team in the locker room with their captains dick in his mouth. That was an interesting experience to say the least.

 

“Louis?” Harry asks, concern written across all of his features. “You okay?” Louis snaps out of it and wraps his arms around Harry’s middle. “You look, like, not here.”

 

“I’m fine, Harry,” Louis snaps, unintentionally. He hates it when people feel the need to worry about him. He’s just fine on his own, thanks.

 

“So we’re back to lying now?” Harry seems to remember the things he said last night as soon as Louis does because as the older boy starts moving away, the younger one pulls him back in. “No- I didn’t- forgive me? Please?”

 

Louis nods, but only because he realizes as soon as he starts to pull away that he never wants to leave this boys arms. Which. That feels a bit rushed.

 

The last boy that Louis had had felt that way with Nick, last year. And that was. That was not a good relationship.

 

It didn’t get really bad until a few months before they broke up, but even the beginning wasn’t a fucking picnic on Louis’ end.

 

Harry seems to notice Louis’ tenseness because he pulls the older boy into his arms and cradles him against his chest. “What were you thinking about?”

 

“Nick Grimshaw.” Louis answers, not even bothering to lie about it, for once in his life. If they’re going to be dating or whatever they need honesty, which just may be the death of him. “He’s a guy I dated last year,” Louis clarifies when he senses Harry’s confusion.

 

The clarification didn’t seem to make the curly-haired boy feel any better. “Oh.”

 

“It’s just- that wasn’t a very- he wasn’t really all that good to me, you know?”

 

Harry seems relieved that Louis wasn’t thinking about another boy romantically while in his arms, but the crease between his brows was still present. “What happened?”

 

Louis sighs, pulling himself out of Harry’s embrace.

 

“That’s a story for another time, babe. Let’s go eat something yeah?”

 

~*~

 

After dinner that evening, Louis and Harry join the rest of the boys for a ‘lad’s night’, which consists of the five of them sitting around in Niall’s room, getting high and seeing which one of them can go the longest without laughing.

 

Niall loses fairly consistently, never able to go longer than ten seconds.

 

But, the again, Louis could breathe in Niall’s direction and he would start cackling and rolling around on the floor.

 

What with how loud they always are, Louis’ surprised that they haven’t been caught yet. But, when he thinks about the way that Niall flirts with half the nurses, Louis isn't all that shocked, really. It's not like they're the  _worst_ people in the ward.

 

“Truth or dare!” Niall bellows randomly, deciding to play a new game because he couldn’t seem to win the whole ‘not laughing’ one.

 

“God,” Zayn moans, “you’re such a teenage girl, Ni, jesus.”

 

Niall huffs, and since no one wants to see a petulant Niall, they agree to play.

 

Harry starts it off. “Niall, truth or dare.”

 

“Dare,” Niall replies easily.

 

“I, uh. I dare you to… drink an entire pack of beer in one go.”

 

“Are you serious?” Harry nods, smirk on his face. “Haz, I’m Irish. I drink that in my cereal in the morning.”

 

Harry’s smirk turns into a grimace, obviously having thought that he’d come up with a clever one. Louis, with his stupid fucking hero complex or whatever, jumps in. “He meant to say that you have to drink an entire six pack and run up and down the hallway-“

 

“Fucking simple,” Niall says, already having finished his second beer.

 

“-of the geriatric ward-“

 

“Been there, done that.” Beer number three, halfway down.

 

“-Naked.” Harry finishes. Louis wraps an arm around his shoulders, proudly.

 

Niall fish mouths for about two-point-five seconds before he finishes the rest of his three beers, at a record time of two minutes, sixteen seconds (Liam counted) and stands up. “Let’s do this,” Niall mumbles, mostly to himself, rolling his shoulders back and jumping up and down. “Yeah, yeah! Alright, yeah!” He then proceeds to rip off his clothes and takes off towards the elevators at a jog.

 

Harry looks at Zayn and Louis, shocked. “Is he really gonna do that?”

 

Zayn nods seriously. “Niall never backs down from a challenge.”

 

~*~

 

“Where the hell did you guys dig this puzzle out from?” Niall asks, when he gets back from his dare, half a cookie in his mouth, wearing a pair of scrubs that some poor nurse probably forced onto him.

 

“Haz brought it,” Liam answers without looking up, brows furrowed in concentration.

 

Beside him Zayn is equally as focused, hovering a piece over the table, and on his other side Harry looks like he’s about to start sweating from all the stress the puzzle is putting him under.

 

“Harry _would_ bring a fucking puzzle to a mental ward.” Niall smirks as he plops down by Louis’ side, effectively destroying his entire system.

 

“Niall!” Louis yells, shoving the blond-haired boy’s shoulder. “You ruined my fucking piles!”

 

“Throwing pieces that don’t fit on the floor when you get frustrated don’t count as piles, babe.”

 

“Fuck you, Harry.” Louis replies, standing up to move beside Liam. “I’ll be over here where people actually fucking appreciate me.”

 

Harry just shrugs and goes back to the puzzle, looking completely and utterly unperturbed.

 

“Niall, it’s your turn for truth or dare, yeah?” Louis asks, willing to say anything to get Harry’s attention again.

 

“Yeah!” He agrees, face flushed from all of the alcohol in his system. “Okay, Lou, truth or dare.”

 

“Dare,” Louis snorts, as if he would chose truth.

 

“I dare you to… kiss Harry.”

 

Zayn and Liam’s heads shot up so fast, Louis doesn’t know how they didn’t break something. “That’s cheating!” Liam accuses.

 

“A dare’s a dare,” Niall counters, motioning for Harry and Louis to move along.

 

Louis stands up and carefully picks his way across the makeshift-circle towards Harry, who sits unmoving, a corner-piece of the puzzle forgotten in his hand.

 

He sits across from Harry, mirroring his position so that their knees are touching. “You sure about this?” Harry questions quietly, finally snapping out of his daze.

 

“Of course I am,” Louis assures, surging forward to connect their lips.

 

It was awkward to say the least; too much spit for Louis’ taste. But, as far as first kisses go, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been.

 

Things started falling into place when Harry moved his hands up to cradle Louis’ jaw, his tongue sweeping across Louis’ bottom lip like a question. Louis’ answer couldn’t have been any more obvious as he pushed himself onto his knees, maneuvering Harry down so he could straddle his hips, the other boys completely forgotten.

 

Harry slides his tongue against Louis’, eliciting a hungry moan from the older boy, cutting off sharply when someone clears their throat loudly.

 

Louis pulls back sheepishly, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand.

 

“Jesus fucking christ, he dared you to kiss him not reenact the last porno you watched.” Zayn sounds scandalized, but judging by the look on his face, it was more for Liam’s sake than his own. Liam, who's flushed from his hairline to his neck, just scoots closer to Zayn, averting his eyes.

 

“I think I’m gay you guys,” Niall announces, looking like he doesn't have a problem in the world.

 

Louis laughs loudly, sitting back down beside Harry. “You aren’t gay, Niall.”

 

“I don’t know,” Niall murmurs. “That was pretty hot.”

 

“Niall, how do you feel about having a cock up your ass?”

 

Liam stands up. “Yeah, I think that’s my cue to leave. Zayn?”

 

Zayn stands up obediently, following Liam out the door.

 

Harry gets up too, “Lou?” 

 

“For the record,” Louis states as he stands, “I’m leaving because I want to, not because I’m your fucking puppy.” He walks out of the room, cutting off Niall’s chuckles as he closes the door behind him and Harry.

 

“Yours or mine?” Harry questions, a tiny little grin on his face as he adjusts his flower crown.

 

Louis rolls his eyes and pulls the younger boy into his room.

 

As soon as the door clicks shut, Harry rounds on Louis, connecting their lips quickly, tongues sliding together filthily and without hesitation.

 

“God,” Harry murmurs as he pulled back, moving his lips to Louis’ neck. “That’s not exactly how I wanted my first kiss to go, in terms of location and audience, but- god- it was hot.” His lips moved down the older boy’s throat, sucking lightly, not quite enough to not leave a mark. Louis doesn't know how to react, but his hands feel awkward by his sides, so he moves them up to Harry’s hair, carefully removing his flower crown so he could twist his fingers into the boy’s curls. To think he thought this boy was a  _saint_.

 

Harry pulls back and his lips are so red and spit-slick, Louis can’t help but connect them again. This kiss is more heated and Louis can taste the smoke, from the joint they had all passed around, in Harry’s mouth. “You aren’t doing this because,” he pauses as Harry moves back in for a chaste kiss, pulling away giggling when Louis grumbles about not being able to finish his sentence. “You aren’t doing this because you’re, like, kinda high, right? Like. You want this?” Louis gestures between them carefully; catching Harry’s dilated eyes so he can make sure that he was paying attention.

 

Harry rolls his eyes and pulls Louis in for another chaste kiss. Then he plants one on his nose, cheeks, temples, forehead, and chin. “I want you all the time, idiot,” Harry giggles, pressing his nose into Louis’ neck. “I’m gonna have to buy Niall an extra lunch for a week for daring you to kiss me, though. I pretty much owe him now.”

 

Louis smacks his arm, pretending to be affronted. “Did you tell him to do that?”

 

“Of course not!” Harry insists. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t thank him for giving me this.” Now it was his turn to gesture between the two of them carefully. “What is this, exactly?” He inquires seriously, looking every bit as innocent as a boy who wears flower crowns regularly should.

 

Louis smiles. “You haven’t even taken me out properly, Haz!” He pulls away and moves towards his bed, completely going against his next words. “I’m never one to put out on the first date, what kind of boy do you think I am?”

 

Louis feels a chill run up his spine even though he’s, like, ninety-five percent sure that the temperature rose in the room about twenty degrees when Harry licked his lips. “Well,” Harry counters, sauntering towards Louis, any traces of innocence completely lost, along with his flower crown. “We’ve eaten dinner together countless times, yeah? Those are dates, right?”

 

Louis places a finger on his chin as if he's contemplating. He beckons Harry over with one finger, curling up in the classic ‘come hither’ motion. “Get over here, you filthy animal.”

 

Harry obliges, moving the rest of the way to the bed, before crawling on top of Louis. “Like this, yeah?” Harry asks, leaning down to kiss at the older boy’s throat. Louis keens and Harry must take that as encouragement to continue, his lips brushing against Louis’ collarbones.

 

“Anything below the neckline is yours babe,” Louis grunts, rising up a bit so he can pull his shirt over his head. “Wouldn’t want the doctor to know what we’ve been getting up to.” Yeah, that sounds like something straight out of a porno and Louis just can't bring himself to regret it.

 

Harry moans at his words though and nips gently at Louis’ chest, the spot right in the center. He sucks at the skin a little bit more and then pulls off before blowing lightly across the wet skin.

 

Louis tightens his fingers in Harry’s hair and moans as goose bumps rise across his chest “You know,” he breathes, “you’re pretty good at this, for someone who’s never done… this before.”

 

Harry chuckles. “I watch a lot of R-rated movies.”

 

“Jesus christ,” Louis moans again as Harry runs his tongue around his nipples. “What did you do? Fucking take notes?”

 

Harry doesn’t respond, instead pulling his lips away from Louis’ shoulders to grin at him. “Hey Lou?”

 

“Yeah?” Louis responds, trying not to whine from the loss of contact.

 

Harry pecks his lips. “I really like you.”

 

Louis smiles, forcing himself not to squirm under the positive attention he’s not quite used to. “I like you too.”

 

Harry leans down and kisses him slowly. This kiss is more meaningful than the others, deeper, intense in a way that makes Louis feel good, like. Harry's a sure thing. This kiss held a promise.

 

Harry lowers his hips and Louis can feel how much Harry wants him. The younger boy kisses him more fervently now, passion and lust getting thrown into the mix as Louis raises his hips to meet Harry’s.

 

When Harry starts moving his hand to the drawstring of Louis’ sweatpants, the older boy reluctantly stops him.

 

“Do you not-?”

 

Louis cuts him off with a kiss to his bruised lips. “Let’s keep it above the belt tonight, okay? I don’t want to- I want it to be done right, yeah?” Louis ends every sentence as a question, but he knows Harry won’t push him.

 

“Of course.” Harry smiles, bringing Louis’ hand up to his mouth, placing kisses across his knuckles. “Do you wanna go to sleep now?”

 

Louis nods, because no matter how much he wants to continue this little party, he's pretty tired considering he got a grand total of four hours of sleep last night.

 

Harry stands up, pulling off his shirt and pants, sporting an obvious semi through his briefs.

 

Louis blushes when Harry notices him staring. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

 

Harry shrugs, gesturing to Louis’ own tented pants. “Sorry about _that_.”

 

The blush on the older boy’s cheeks spreads and Harry giggles as he slips into bed, spooning up behind Louis.

 

“Goodnight Louis,” Harry murmurs, nosing his way into the short hair at the back of Louis’ neck.

 

Louis smiles, lacing his fingers with Harry’s, which are rested on the older boy’s tiny waist.

 

“Sleep well, love.”

 

~*~

 

Louis falls quickly. He tends to sink his teeth in and hold fast.

 

~*~

 

The next morning, Louis wakes before Harry and he’s perfectly content to just sit and watch the younger boy sleep.

 

He starts tracing shapes on the boy’s arms after almost an hour, running his fingertips lightly against the scars on the insides of his wrists. He doesn’t even realize that Harry’s awake until his left eye peeks open and he smirks. “You’re such a creep, watching me while I sleep."

 

Louis scoffs. “I thought I was being proper romantic, Haz. Like, in movies and stuff.”

 

Harry just chuckles and leaned up to press a closed-mouth kiss to Louis’ chapped lips. “Good morning,” he murmurs belatedly, stretching his arms above his head.

 

“I don’t think it’s normal for your back to pop like that,” Louis muses, rubbing his hands together to warm them up.

 

Harry grins and covers the older boy’s dainty hands with his mammoth ones. “Are you cold, Lou-Lou?”

 

Louis rips his hands away, offended. “Don’t call me that, you freak! I’m not a child.”

 

The younger boy just smiles easily and crawls on top of Louis with such ease, it would seem like he’s been doing it forever. Louis maybe wishes that he has.

 

His hands are pinned above his head and Louis decides that actually, maybe he wishes that Harry had been doing _this_ forever. Harry starts at the top of Louis’ head, placing closed-mouth kisses to his forehead and making his way down like he had the previous night, carefully avoiding his lips. He stops when he reaches the waistline of Louis’ briefs and starts to make his way back up, making sure to respect the older boy’s wishes from last night.

 

“You,” peck “are,” peck “so,” peck “beautiful.” Harry works a lovebite in with his teeth right beside the one from last night, this one darker and larger than the other.

 

Louis slides his hands up and down Harry’s sides, not sure what to do under the attention. He taps Harry’s back twice as a make-shift warning before rolling them over, pinning Harry quickly before he could get his wits back.

 

“I like you,” Louis murmurs seriously, leaning down to kiss the younger boy slowly, sour morning breath forgotten. “Would you like to go out with me?” He didn’t mean to ask it like this, wearing close to nothing and with morning breath making his mouth taste like something had died in it. But, now that it’s out, he won’t take it back. No regrets.

 

“What exactly does this ‘going out’,” he made air quotes, “entail?”

 

Louis thinks for a moment, but he can’t exactly think too clearly what with Harry doing these things to his throat. God.

 

“Hmm, how about- god, like that, like that- what if we eat some dinner, clear out the common room for a mov- jesus, fuck- for a movie. I heard they were doing- a, ah, Harry Potter weekend on ABC F-family.”

 

Harry smirks, clearly happy to see the other boy so pliant above him. He is _devious_ in the bedroom. “They’re always having a Harry Potter weekend,” he replies, licking a thin strip up Louis’ neck. “Mm, you taste good in the morning,” the younger boy murmurs thoughtfully, filthily.

 

Louis bites back a moan. “Remember that time we decided to take it- um, uh- slow?”

 

“I believe that you said above the belt,” Harry corrects. If Louis remembers correctly, Harry was not this confident or quite so… sexual, a month ago. “I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t get that much further above the belt than this.” He pulls him down so he can nuzzle his nose into the top of Louis’ head. “God, how do you always smell so good?”

 

“It’s called a shower, Curly.” Louis tends to use humor to avoid any unwarranted positive attention. “Maybe you should try it sometime.”

 

Harry practically purrs, though, ignoring Louis’ snide comment. “Maybe we could try it together, yeah?”

 

Louis doesn’t know what to do, but he knows that he wants that so he pulls back. “Right now?” He inquires, pecking his way across Harry’s chest to avoid meeting his eyes while the younger boy contemplates.

 

Harry flips them over again and pecks a kiss to Louis’ lips before jumping up. “I’ll race you.”

 

Louis does _not_ giggle as he fights with Harry to get to the in-suite bathroom. He does, maybe, send up a silent thank you to his parents for sending him to the nicest hospital in the country.

 

Harry gets into the bathroom first, but Louis’ the first to strip off his underwear, stepping into the shower before the water is even on, much less warm.

 

Harry reaches behind the curtain and turns the water on before Louis can stop him, dousing him in ice cold water. “Harry!” He squeals, backing up as far as he can to avoid the spray. “That’s cold, you prick!”

 

“Why do you think I waited?” Harry smirks, stepping in happily after testing the water to make sure that is was a comfortable temperature. “I’m not a complete idiot.”

 

Louis jumps under the water now, claiming a majority of the spray to start washing his hair before Harry can. Harry shrugs, indifferent, and moves towards the older boy with a near predatory look on his face. He rests his hands on the smaller boy’s waist, leaning down to brush kisses across his shoulders. Louis’ eyes slip closed, but he continues working his shampoo into his scalp, breathing absolutely ragged. “This counts as above the belt, yeah?” Harry questions, dragging his teeth against Louis’ collarbones. They must be a thing for Harry; Louis’ collarbones. Not that the older boy minds at all.

 

Louis’ eyes blink open and he smiles a tiny bit. “Not at all.”

 

Louis’ one hundred percent sure that Harry would stop if he asked him to, but he doesn’t. Instead, he leans into the touch, ducking his head to catch Harry’s lips. The kiss was soapy and slick, but Louis couldn’t have asked for a better one.

 

Harry reaches his hands up to Louis’ neck and tilts his head back so that he can rinse out the shampoo, carding his fingers through his short hair.

 

While Harry's distracted, Louis takes a moment to sneak a glance down, not minding at all as the water drips down his face.

 

After getting past the sight of Harry’s cock, hard and pretty against his stomach, he moves lower to look at the tops of Harry’s thighs

 

The marks were thinning now and most of the older ones weren’t even noticeable anymore. Louis grinned and started pressing kisses to Harry’s shoulders; reciprocating the affection that Harry had shown earlier.

 

“I’ve been good,” Harry whispers, obviously paying more attention to Louis than the older boy thought. “It’s been weeks, the longest I’ve ever gone.”

 

Louis smiles and pulls him in for a kiss by the back of his neck. “Are you happy Harry?” Louis asks when he pulls away, looking into the younger boy’s bright green eyes. Come to think of it, they were much duller when they first met. Louis hopes that he had something to do with that.

 

“I am,” he murmurs, almost like it was a secret. “I don’t. Like, I don’t want to hurt myself anymore. Well, not all the time. Sometimes at night my brain goes into, like, overdrive and I just start- nevermind. It doesn’t matter.”

 

Louis pulls at the hairs on the back of his neck gently, forcing Harry to look back up at him. “Everything matters, Haz. You can tell me.”

 

“Sometimes I just think about all of the stuff that happened before and it makes me feel like really bad. But then- I’m sorry it sounds so cheesy, honestly- but when I think about you and your teensy little hands-“ Louis smacks his arm lightly, “-and your pretty smile and your sharp little vampire teeth-“ Louis doesn’t have the heart to hit him again, so he just bumps his head into Harry’s shoulder, “-I just feel better. You make everything so much better, Lou. You have no idea.”

 

Since it seems to be honesty hour in Louis’ shower, he mumbles into Harry’s shoulder, “You make me want to tell the truth.”

 

~*~

 

Louis' absolutely buzzing on Monday. He didn’t tell Harry, but he's decided that he's going to tell everyone today. It’s the first time he’s actually made an attempt to get better; the first time he’s had someone that he wants to get better for.

 

“Alright, so before we start, Louis’ told me that he wants to share something with you all,” the doctor states, looking positively giddy.

 

“Thank you, Wang.” Old habits die hard, Louis decides. “So. Most of you don’t know why I’m here, yeah?” He looks around the circle, and when his eyes meet Harry’s, he thinks briefly that his boy looks like he’s about ready to burst with pride.

 

“Well. I lie.” He had planned on telling this great story, explaining why he lies, who started it all, the source of the biggest problem in his life. He was going to tell them all about how he didn’t even realize he was doing it most of the time, and how he has been lying since he was little, starting with _I didn’t eat the last cookie_ and ending with _I'm fine, really_. “I just lied. A lot. About stupid stuff, like- Niall, remember that time you asked if I liked The Script and I said no?” Niall nods his head like he doesn't really remember, but doesn’t want to interrupt the story. “Well, I do. I went to one of their concerts a few years ago.” Niall’s eyes widen. “And when you ask me what my favorite color is, I always say orange, but. It’s red. I don’t know why I say that it’s orange, because I actually think it’s a horrendous color, no offense.” He looked at Leigh-Ann, who made the unfortunate decision to wear an orange jumper today, apologetically.

 

Instead of sitting down in his seat, once he's finished, he moves across the circle to sit in Harry’s lap.

 

“Harry and I are also kind of, like, a thing now.”

 

No one says anything for a moment, just trading glances around the circle.

 

Niall’s the first to speak. “Yeah, I called it. Liam, Zayn, I believe that you both owe me twenty quid.”

 

“No way!” Zayn replies, staring at Niall in shock. “This bet was off as soon as you dared Louis to kiss him.”

 

Liam looks like he was ashamed to be involved at all and Louis isn’t even all that upset. “Did you guys bet on us?”

 

“Not exactly,” Zayn replies, moving his glare from Niall to Louis. “We bet to see when you two would get together. Niall bet on last week, Liam bet around Harry’s birthday. I was going for Valentine’s Day, personally. Harry seems like the romantic kind.” Zayn shakes his head and turns back to Niall. “We owe you nothing.”

 

Niall doesn’t question the note of authority and finality in the black-haired boy’s voice.

 

Maybe Niall’s anger problems have gotten better.

 

~*~

 

“So, how’s Louis today?”

 

“I’m pretty great, actually,” Louis says honestly. Caroline looks shocked at Louis’ non-sarcastic answer and Louis grins a little. “Got meself a boyfriend.”

 

Caroline smiles back and for once it’s not forced. “I’ve heard. I was also told that you talked about your, um, problem, during your group therapy session last week.”

 

“I did.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it now?”

 

“Don’t you already know?”

 

“About what?” Caroline inquires; the picture of innocence. “Why don’t you tell me what happened before?”

 

“Before what?” Maybe Louis was trying to be a bit difficult.

 

“Louis, why did your lying increase so dramatically in the few months before you came to Holly Hill?”

 

Louis sighs, resigned. “Because of Nick _fucking_ Grimshaw.”

 

“Could you be any more specific?” Then, as an afterthought she adds, “Watch your language please.”

 

“I could, but- I actually need to tell someone else this story first?” Louis looks around the room, not wanting to meet Caroline’s eyes. “Can I come back, like, tomorrow?” Louis never in a million years would have thought that he’d be making an appointment to see Caroline.

 

“I’m not allowed to let you do that, Louis. You have to stay the allotted time, it’s the rules.”

 

He maybe kind of hates Caroline.

 

“But, if you leave, on the other hand," she smiles, holding her nails up to examine them. "There’s nothing I can really do to, you know, stop you.”

 

Maybe he hates her a little less.

 

“You’re a saint, Caroline.”

 

~*~

 

Louis finds Harry in the common room, making a flower crown with Niall.

 

“Up, up, up, Harry. Come on!” Louis pulls him up and out the door before he or Niall have time to say anything.

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be with-“ Louis clamps a hand over his mouth as they passs the nurses’ station, trying very hard to look not-suspicious. He just grins at Taylor, the only nurse there today, and makes his way down the hall swiftly, pulling Harry into his room.

 

“Lou, what’s going-“

 

“Remember how I told you about that guy? Nick?”

 

Harry’s eyes darken but he nods. “He’s the guy that-“

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Well. I want to tell you what happened now.” Harry looks unsure and like he wants to interrupt, but Louis cuts him off. “Well we were dating while I was still in school; he was the first guy that I ever really… dated. The only guy pretty much, other than you, of course.” Harry smiles a little at that but he doesn't say anything.

 

“We met at a club, and we were both like really really drunk. Like, I hardly remember at all. I wasn’t supposed to be there because I wasn’t eighteen yet, but one of my older friends got me in because he was- you know, it doesn’t really matter.

 

“So. We were like ridiculously drunk and I didn't really drink much before, and they always say that the best way to get free alcohol is the say that you’ve never gotten drunk, so my friend, Stan, told everyone and the drinks just started pouring in. Like, I’ve never met a friendlier bunch of people I swear. Anyway, this guy came up to me and was like 'can I buy you a drink' and I was sort of ridiculously drunk, so I was like _sure_ and I’m pretty sure that I said something else unintelligible about his stupid quiff, but he always swears that I didn’t. Whatever. So we started dancing and then he took me home, like to my house, not his, because Stan had fucked off sometime before and I obviously couldn’t drive.”

 

He looks up from where he's fiddling with his hands to peek at Harry’s face. The younger boy is watching him with such intensity, Louis thinks he might explode if he makes eye contact. He keeps going. “So he took me upstairs and my parents weren’t home, so he didn’t really run into anyone. And he just- he tucked me into bed and made me drink a ton of water. He was, like, a proper gentleman and everything. Then he left a bottle of aspirin on my bedside table and he wrote his number down and left it beside it.”

 

Harry lets out a sigh of relief and Louis- he knew what Harry thought he was going to say. He wasn’t going to reassure him yet, not when the story isn’t over. “So the next day I called him to thank him and he asked me out that night. He dressed nice and he wasn’t too bad looking when I was sober. It was great, really. Everything was perfect at first.” _First_ being the operative word.

 

“He was a lot older than me, but he would still pick me up from school and stuff and he was like a proper gentleman. But-“ Louis laughs humorlessly “-god, there’s always a but with me, I swear.

 

“One day I was a little bit late because I was talking to Stan about a project that we had to do for English and Nick came up and, like, forced his way into the conversation. I told him to  _hold on a minute_ and then he just started pushing me to the car. And he never- he was never like that with me. He was always nice and just patient because he knew that I didn’t have all that much experience despite my reputation. But when we got back to the car, he like, _pushed me_ against the side of it and just started going at it. He was kissing me so roughly and I didn’t know what to do; he’d never done that before.

 

“I started to push him away but he was a lot bigger than me so I just let him, right? And then when he pulled back he started whispering things about how I was _his_ and that he didn’t know why he wasn’t _good enough_ for me. And then he just started crying and I’d never seen him cry before, ever.”

 

Louis draws in another deep breath and continues. “So I just kind of hugged him because, I mean. My boyfriend was having like, a proper cry in front of all of my classmates and I didn’t want to cause a scene or anything.

 

“Eventually we got in the car and he took me home. Before I got out, though, he grabbed my arm and looked me in the eyes- god, I was so stupid- and he said, _mine_ , and I just nodded my head like some sort of idiot who couldn’t see the signs of an abusive relationship.”

 

Harry’s head jerks up and he carefully pulls Louis into his lap. “You don’t have to tell me, Lou-“

 

“No.” Louis interrupts. “I need to tell someone and there’s no one I would rather tell.” Louis knows that he should have told someone a long time ago, someone that could have helped him work through all of this before everything started spinning out of control.

 

“So he kept picking me up from school and I started making sure that I was always alone and waiting on time for him. My friends started to notice and one time Stan even said, 'man, you’re so whipped' and I just laughed even though I knew- I knew it was true. I didn’t even hang out with anyone else anymore. It was always Nick, because every free moment I had was dedicated to him.

 

“It’s pretty sick, innit? That I just dropped everything. For-for some prick who didn’t even really care for me.”

 

“You didn’t know, babe. It’s not your-“

 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s not my fault, I know. I _know_ that it isn’t my fault.” He really does know, it was all on Nick and he knew it. “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel stupid for letting it continue for so long.”

 

Louis moves on before Harry can deny it. “A few months ago, it was around the end of October, we went to this club for Halloween. He got me in because he’s the DJ at his university’s radio station, so he knows like, everyone.

 

“So it was good, I was having so much fun dancing with all of his friends. I was pretty buzzed when he told me that he wanted to go back to his flat. I remember being excited because I hadn’t been back to his place before, but I knew that it would be great. He was like a proper hipster, so I knew that his apartment would be decorated accordingly. And I was so right, I swear. I remember- there were little fairy lights around his bed and all of these posters in his room for these weird, obscure indie bands that I had never heard of. And he asked if I wanted anything to eat and I told him no, because I was already feeling sick from all of the candy and alcohol I had had, I mean, it was Halloween, after all.

 

“And then my phone started ringing. I picked it up and it was Stan. I told Nick to hold on, right? Because Stan only calls when it’s an emergency; he always texts first. At least, that's what he did when we actually talked regularly. And so I picked up before Nick said anything and Stan started asking me all these questions about Nick and I was like _what_? Because, like, why was my friend asking me questions about my boyfriend? He was like _Lou, has he ever hurt you?_ And I remember thinking how stupid it was that he would ask that, because of course he’s never hurt me and I guess that that’s why I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.”

 

Louis feels Harry stiffen underneath him and the older boy starts rubbing a hand across his knee to sooth him. He can’t help but think that it should be the other way around. “Shh, babe. It’s over now- just, let me finish.

 

“So he came barging into the room and was asking who I was talking to and I was confused and told him it was _just Stan, calm down_ and apparently I worded that wrong because he took my phone and hung up. And I started yelling at him about how he had no right to do that, he’s my best friend and he was like _yeah, I’m sure that’s not all he is_.

 

“And I was just shocked because I mean, what was he insinuating? I had never ever thought of Stan like that. He’s my best friend, the only one who stuck around for me after Nick took over my life.

 

“We started screaming at each other, I don’t know how the neighbors didn’t call the police or something because I had never seen him that angry. I was just done with him, I had been for a couple of weeks by that point. I couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“And I was about to tell him that, but he just grabbed me and took me to his bedroom. I didn’t want to go because I think in the back of my mind I knew what was going to happen. I didn’t- I didn’t want it. I told him that but he didn’t listen to me. He was so much bigger than me, Harry, I couldn’t stop it. He kept telling me that I was his and that he loved me and everything just hurt.”

 

Harry sniffles beneath him and at the sight of Harry crying, Louis’ walls break too and he starts sobbing into his boyfriend’s neck. Harry rubs his back and Louis doesn’t know how long they sit there on his bed crying, but eventually the tears stop and he sits up. “I have to finish, Harry. It’s- I’m sorry. I have to get it out.”

 

He wasn’t sure if Harry would let him, but when he didn’t respond, Louis finishes his story.

 

“So that was how the lying thing escalated, I guess. Stan called me back later and I told him that everything was fine, he had no need to worry. I mean, who would believe that he- that he raped me? He was my boyfriend and I- I joked about it all the time before, about how much I wanted it. And I did. I did want to have sex with him, just. I didn’t want it like that. It was rough, not passionate or loving like I wanted our first time to be.”

 

Louis spared Harry the details about how he wasn’t prepped and that he nearly passed out from the pain of it. He hadn’t been with anyone like that for months before it happened, he wasn’t used to it and everything was just rushed and scary. “I thought that he was going to kill me, he was so angry. But then he started crying and apologizing and I left. I got out of there so quickly, caught a ride back to my house. My parents- god, my parents asked me if I had fun. Asked what all me and Nick did. I told them that it was great that we had an awesome time. It was like, lie after lie after lie came out of my mouth. And they just nodded; totally unaware of what had happened like, an hour before.

 

“So I went up to my room and cried. I cried for hours, I made myself sick with it.”

 

Louis doesn’t continue, he doesn’t know how.

 

He just lied. About everything he could. He told his parents that he was still seeing Nick, going on dates and everything, but really he would just go to the library for a few hours.

 

One time, he even went to the store and bought himself a bear.

 

He told his parents that Nick won it for him at the carnival.

 

~*~

 

Six hours later, Niall knocks on the door. “Are you guys decent? Not making passionate love or nothing?” Not that he cared because he walked right in anyway. “Oh my god, what happened.”

 

Louis sits up from where he's cuddled against Harry, his tears long since dried. “Everything’s fine, Ni.”

 

“Is this you lying, because your eyeliner is running something fierce.” Niall sits down on the end of Louis’ bed and rubs his foot absently.

 

Louis laughs loudly and Harry startles awake at the noise. “What happened?” He asks, looking around wildly before his eyes settle on Louis. He calms down when he sees that Louis isn’t, like, dying or anything.

 

“That’s what I’m asking!” Niall says. Liam and Zayn make their entrance then, walking through his open bedroom door like they normally would.

 

“What happened?” They both ask at the same time, looking at Niall accusingly.

 

“Really?” Niall asks, obviously offended that they would assume that he’s the one at fault. “He was like this when I came in.”

 

The three of them all turned to Harry now, drawing their own conclusions.

 

Harry looks at Louis, clearly unsure of what he should say.

 

Louis loves these boys, honestly, but. He doesn’t want to share this with them. Not yet at least.

 

“Everything’s fine, Harry was just being emotional, you know how he is.” He rolls his eyes, nudging Harry with his shoulder. The other boys nod, accepting it, but after a quick glance at Zayn, he can tell that the black-haired boy isn’t entirely convinced.

 

Zayn’s Louis' best friend, so he knows that he won’t push him, not until he needs to.

 

So Louis smiles brightly, deciding that he’ll save his story for another time.

 

 

 

 

**Part Four**

“Mary, please, I’d do anything,” Louis pleads, two seconds away from getting on his knees to beg for it. “I want it to be special.”

 

Mary, the main cook at Holly Hill sighs. “I can’t do it, Louis. You know that you aren’t allowed to have food that doesn’t come from the cafeteria.”

 

So maybe Louis wis trying to be a good boyfriend. Maybe he wants to plan out a nice date for him. Maybe he wants to do something other than swap sloppy handjobs at 2am, maybe he wants to, he doesn’t know, actually get _fucked_ by his boyfriend of nearly three months. And maybe he wants to take his boyfriend on a proper date before said fucking commences. Because he’s a gentleman, goddamnit.

 

Maybe Mary is kind of harshing his flow, here.

 

“What can I do? I’ll do anything, I promise.” He looks around for a clock, anxious to get back upstairs before Harry finishes his monthly meeting with Caroline. These meetings are pretty much the only time that they’re apart and Louis has approximately ten minutes to finish up here.

 

“I can’t, Louis.” Louis opens his mouth to beg more, but she cuts him off. “The best that I can do is get you guys an extra helping of- what day are you planning this for?”

 

“Friday,” Louis grumbles, already resigned to make his way up stairs, metaphorical tail between his legs.

 

“The best I can do is get you an extra helping of lasagna.” Harry doesn’t even _like_ lasagna. God, everything is going to hell.

 

“It’s fine, it’s- fine. Don’t worry about it.” Yeah, Louis _is_ pouting a little. All of his plans are slowly falling through one by one, can you blame him?

 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Bless her heart, Mary really does sound upset. Louis knew that it was a stretch to try and get his favorite restaurant to deliver food for their date, but that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t hopeful. “I’ll make sure yours is warm and everything, if it makes you feel any better.”

 

It does make him feel a little bit better, knowing that he won’t be eating luke-warm, half-baked, soggy lasagna. Instead, it’ll be _warm_ , half-baked, soggy lasagna. “Thanks anyway, Mary.”

 

Louis makes his way to the elevator, kindly holding the door for Ed, the CNA that sometimes pops in to hang out with them when he’s not too busy. Ed also happens to be the only person who hasn’t flaked on him for Friday.

 

“Hey, Lou. So I’ve been meaning to tell you about Friday-” And it appears as though the universe is completely conspiring against him. “-I can’t actually play for you guys that night. I’m so, so sorry. It’s just- my cat’s been sick and I gotta take him to the vets that day and so then it’s pushing all of my work up a few hours and I’m really sorry- Oh my god, are you crying?”

 

Louis doesn’t know when the frustrated tears started sliding down his cheeks, but the doors of the elevator are opening and they’re on his floor and he can see Harry through the glass wall that’s in-between the main hallway and the common room, smiling and waving happily when he sees Louis, completely unaware of the breakdown he’s having on the inside (and kind of the outside, he guesses, what with the crying and all).

 

“Louis, please, please don’t cry!” Ed comes out of the elevator, stepping in front of him, thankfully blocking him from Harry’s view. “I just- I can’t help it at all, it’s the only time that the vets can take him and I was already being worked in as it is-“

 

“Ed, Ed. It’s not-“ Louis takes a deep breath and scrubs a hand over his face, wiping away the tears. “It’s not your fault it’s just, everything’s kind of falling through and I can’t help but wonder if it’s a sign that I should-“

 

“Lou, babe. What’s wrong?” Harry comes around the corner, stopping beside Ed to give him a brief smile before stepping up and pulling Louis into a tight embrace. “You look like you’ve been crying.”

 

Louis stutters out a laugh and shrugs as if to say _yeah, sometimes I cry, everybody does it_.

 

Harry turns his attention back to Ed for a second, “Can I take him now? Or do you need-“

 

“No, no. It’s fine. I know you’re plenty capable of handling this.” Ed leans down as he passes Louis, pitching his voice lower so Harry won’t hear. “I’m so so sorry, again.”

 

Louis just smiles tightly and let’s Harry lead him to his room.

 

As soon as the door closes, Harry turns to him. “Are you really alright baby?” Louis smiles at the term of endearment, and nods his head.

 

“I’m fine, just frustrated is all.” Yeah, Louis isn’t lying all that much anymore. He’s not lied to Harry a single time during their three months together, except one time last week when Harry asked about where he was sneaking off to. Louis couldn’t exactly say _oh, you know, just trying to plan a romantic dinner so that we can finally stop talking about fucking and actually_ do _it._ That may have ruined some of the surprise.

 

Harry grins and pulls on the collar of Louis' shirt to expose more of the skin there, kissing it gently. “Is there anything I could do to help?” Harry doesn’t wait for an answer as he pulls Louis towards him, walking them backwards until the older boy topples back onto the bed. Harry’s smile widens as he crawls up the mattress looking positively beautiful in a way that only Harry could. Of course, his boyfriend isn’t exactly the most coordinated human being (by a long shot) and Louis has to hold in a giggle when his foot gets caught in the duvet by Louis’ feet.

 

“Stop laughing, I’m trying to sex you up,” Harry grumbles, giving up any pretense of seduction as he reaches down to untangle his foot.

 

Louis laughs out loud this time, covering his mouth when the noise comes out louder than he expected. “I know that you did _not_ just say _sex you up_. Did you get that from one of your R-rated movies?”

 

“No,” Harry mumbles, turning back to Louis with a smirk when his foot is finally free. “I saw _that_ little gem in a porno.”

 

“Oh my god,” Louis whines, shifting away from Harry to throw an arm across his face dramatically. “My boyfriend gets his one-liners from pornography, I’m so ashamed.”

 

Harry shushes him and presses his lips to Louis’ one, two, three times in quick succession. “You love it,” he mumbles, moving to bite at Louis’ earlobe.

 

“I guess so,” he replies, pretending to be exasperated. “It’s so hard dealing with a horny teenager.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Harry smirks, sucking a harsh lovebite into the skin at the junction of Louis’ neck and shoulder, “last time I checked, _you_ were the one who asked out the _horny teenager_.”

 

Louis doesn’t answer, because Harry’s technically right and he doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction. So he just pulls up on Harry’s jumper, suddenly wanting less clothing between them. God, why does Harry wear so many _layers_. “Why do you have to wear three fucking t-shirts under your sweaters, god.”

 

“To make things more difficult for you,” he answers simply. He then sits up and pulls off all three shirts at once, revealing his toned torso. Louis’ hands move across the exposed skin, dipping his fingers into the ridges of muscle before him.

 

“Ugh, god. You’re so fucking hot, Haz.” He meets the younger boy’s eyes for a moment before flitting them down and then back up again.

 

Harry tries in vain to cover himself with his hands. “I am not a piece of meat, Louis.” There's no bite to his words, but there is a pretty little flush spreading across his cheeks.

 

“I know that,” Louis concedes, “you’re my boyfriend.”

 

Harry doesn’t argue with that, giving up pretending to be offended as he reaches down to pull off Louis’ thin t-shirt.

 

The younger boy starts his normal routine of kissing his way across Louis’ chest, stopping when he gets down to Louis’ waist and moving back up. “Hey, Haz?” Harry stops somewhere around Louis’ right forearm and looks up. “Can I try something else? Something different?”

 

Harry nods, but his eyes are uncertain. Louis ignores that in favor of reversing their positions so that he's on top and Harry's below him. He tries to do the kiss thing that Harry always does, but halfway through he gets impatient and starts pulling at the button on Harry’s jeans.

 

Harry catches up quickly enough and reaches to pop open the button on Louis’ pants before inching them down over his bum. Louis' having a little bit more trouble on his end, trying to peel off Harry’s jeans while his are already pushed down to his knees.

 

Louis grumbles, “A little help here?” Harry laughs and lifts up his hips so that Louis can work them down, pulling his own off along the way. “Why do your pants have to be so goddamn tight, jesus.”

 

Harry just keeps laughing and Louis wants to put a stop to that, because he's trying to give his boyfriend his first blowjob here, thanks. So Louis leans down and brushes his lips over Harry’s still-clothed cock, holding in a smirk as Harry’s breathing stutters. “Whatcha doing down there, Lou?” Harry asks, sounding absolutely _wrecked_ and Louis hasn’t even started yet.

 

Louis and Harry have only ever done handjobs before, and as much as Louis has dreamed about having Harry’s cock in his mouth, they haven’t actually gotten around to doing that quite yet. “’m gonna suck you off.” It isn’t really a question, more of an _I’m gonna do this unless you tell me otherwise_ and by the hard-on in Harry’s briefs, he doesn’t think that he’ll be getting told to stop.

 

“You don’t have to,” Harry says quickly, placing his hands over Louis’. “I don’t expect it or any-“

 

Harry cuts off when Louis pulls his underwear down, eyes widening as Louis kisses the head of his cock gently. “I want to.”

 

He doesn’t allow Harry to protest before he’s wrapping his lips around the head and sucking softly. He doesn’t swallow the whole thing down the way he wants to, opting to take it slow for Harry’s sake. He does need to move it on along, though because Harry’s already leaking precome and Louis’ barely even started.

 

Louis reaches a hand down to palm himself through his boxers, but soon that isn’t quite enough so Louis pulls himself out and strokes lazily while he focuses his attention on making this the best for Harry.

 

He fists what his mouth isn’t reaching and pulls up until his lips touch his fingers. This time, as his hand goes down, Louis’ mouth follows it, slowly fitting as much of Harry as he can into his mouth. Harry lets out a moan that is absolutely animalistic when his cock nudges the back of Louis’ throat. Louis’ own hand speeds up a little at that and the precome leaking from his tip makes the slide ten times easier.

 

Louis smiles internally, happy to know that he hasn’t quite lost his touch in the year that he’s been here. He rises up again and pulls off of Harry with an obscene _pop_ that has Harry groaning.

 

 “Having fun up there?” He asks quickly, before going down on him again, this time faster, swallowing him down further. He glances up and sees Harry’s stomach muscles tightly clenched from the effort of holding his hips back from bucking up into Louis’ mouth. He’ll have to thank him for that later.

 

“Oh my god, _Louis_ , that feels so- I can’t even- you look-“ Harry’s words are all jumbled up, and Louis doesn’t even try to make sense of them, just focuses on swirling his tongue around the head just like _that_ and then tonguing the slit like _this_ so that his boyfriend keeps making those little noises. Harry twists his fingers into Louis’ hair, pulling gently, probably as a warning. “Louis-“

 

Louis ignores that, swallowing Harry back down until Harry comes down the back of his throat. Louis’ hand stutters against his own cock and soon he’s coming too, painting white streaks across Harry’s thigh.

 

Harry sighs, content, and reaches down to pull Louis up for a kiss. “That was-“

 

“-quick?” Louis interjects, unable to stop himself.

 

“Fuck you,” Harry says, slapping away Louis hands when he tries to tickle him. “I was going to say _perfect_ , but I’m definitely rethinking that adjective, now.”

 

Louis grins and gets up to get a washcloth from his bathroom, pulling on his boxers on the way. Louis cleans him up and wipes off his own hand before tossing the cloth somewhere beside the bed. “Are you not gonna hand me my pants too?”

 

“I thought you _liked_ to be naked all the time, you heathen.” Louis grabs Harry’s briefs from the end of the bed anyway and grins after Harry snaps the elastic waistband against his hip.

 

“That doesn’t mean that I want to give everyone a show when they inevitably barge in here.”

 

“How long do you think we have?” Louis asks, turning in Harry’s arms to cuddle up against his side.

 

“Long enough for a nap, I think.”

 

Louis hums, not sure if he should take it or leave it. “I was actually thinking about another round-“

 

Harry’s on Louis before he can even finish his sentence.

 

~*~

 

The boys happen to barge in as soon as Harry came and Niall decides that he is definitely _not_ gay.

 

They also make the unanimous decision to use a chair to hold the door shut next time.

 

~*~

 

On Wednesday, Louis has his usual visit. It’s always his mom and on rare occasions his sisters, but when he walks into the meeting room, however, he's surprised.

 

It’s Stan.

 

“Stanley!” Louis shouts, running up to his best friend and jumping onto his back.

 

“Lewis!” Stan yells back spinning him around before dropping him back onto one of the chairs. “I missed you, you tiny little freak.”

 

Louis sighs happily and pulls Stan down beside him. He turns to him, looking serious for one of the first times Louis’ seen. “How are you doing?”

 

Louis smiles at his friend’s concern, even though he knows it's unnecessary. Well, the last time he visited was before Harry was here, so he can’t really blame him. “I’m good, really really good.”

 

“Really?” Stan asks, wary of Louis’ answer. “You’re not just trying to-“

 

“I’m not lying, Stanley.” This is too much seriousness for him.

 

“Okay,” Stan nods, accepting this, and shifts so he can hook his knees over Louis’ thighs. “So, catch me up on the latest gossip of the looney bin.”

 

Louis grins, not in the least bit offended. “Well, Zayn is dating this guy now, his name’s Liam. He’s pretty cool, a little too innocent for my liking, but it’s okay. We’re working on him.”

 

“And how’s the blonde one, Neil?”

 

“Niall,” Louis corrects. “He’s good, still doing his thing with Jade. Which reminds me…” Louis slides Stan’s legs off of him so that he could stand up, making his way to the door. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

 

Louis’ nervous, he doesn’t know why. He thought that he was going to be introducing Harry to his parents after all, and this is just Stan. “Haz?” He peeks out into the hallway and pulls him into the room before anyone notices. “Harry, this is Stan. Stan, this is Harry. My, uh, boyfriend.”

 

Stan stands up stiffly, moving over towards Harry with a look so intense it’s making _Louis_ sweat. Stan extends his hand and Harry shakes it after a beat of awkward silence. “So,” Stan starts, releasing his hand after two firm pumps. “What are your intentions with my Louis?”

 

“Oh, fuck _off_ ,” Louis murmurs, moving in front of Harry to protect him from his best friend’s interrogation.

 

Stan raises his hands, surrendering, and moves back towards the couch, flopping across it like he owns the place. “I’m just curious!” Stan replies, motioning to the only other chair in the room for them to sit. “Please, have a seat.”

 

They sit, the two boys squeezed uncomfortably side by side until Louis gives up any show of decency and sits on Harry’s lap. Stan grins. “Okay, so. I only have a few questions.”

 

Stan looks back and forth between them for a moment before he grins in that mischievous way that always seems to accompany him. “Let’s begin,” Stan sits up to cross his legs, in a way that eerily reminds him of the doctor, making a show of lowering his non-existent glasses before starting. “Please state your full name for the record.”

 

Harry squirms a little bit and Louis presses a grin to his shoulder. “Erm, Harry Edward Styles.”

 

Edward. Interesting.

 

“And how long have you known my dear friend Louis?”

 

Harry looks up like he's doing the math in his head. “Um, I think like four months and. Nine days?”

 

“Is that a question or a statement, Mr. Styles.”

 

“Um, yeah it’s been four months and nine days.” Harry doesn’t sound any more confident, but it wasn’t a question this time.

 

Stan nods and pretends to write something down on an invisible notebook with an invisible pen. “And how old are you?”

 

“I turned seventeen in February. My birthday is the first.”

 

“If you could only answer the questions I ask, that would be great, Mr. Styles.” Louis snickers, but flips Stan off before squeezing Harry’s thigh to comfort him.

 

“Where are you from, Harry? Small town? Posh? I’m going with somewhere up north.”

 

“Um, Cheshire. Holmes Chapel to be specific.”

 

“Why are you here?” Louis is going to stop everything with that one, but Harry doesn’t seem to mind.

 

“I was depressed, and eventually it escalated into something worse so I asked my parents to check me in here.”

 

“You came here willingly?” Stan seems shocked.

 

“Yes.” Harry sighs, pulling on his crown a little before continuing. “I wanted to get better, and this was the only way I knew how.”

 

“That’s very admirable, Harry.” Stan drops his interrogation act, seemingly satisfied, but from the glint in his eye, Louis knows he isn’t finished. “Why do you wear it? The flower crown?”

 

Harry shrugs. “They make me feel pretty. And sometimes I need that, I guess.”

 

~*~

 

Stan left a half an hour later, having spent the rest of his time catching up with Louis, telling him about university and how he can’t wait for Louis to join him when he gets better.

 

~*~

 

“Stan was nice,” Harry tells him at dinner that night, snuggling against Louis, causing the other boys to make gagging noises even though they were all smiling. “A little scary and very intimidating, but nice.”

 

Louis nods, agreeing with that description. Harry kisses him again; right there in front of their friends and it doesn’t not go unnoticed.

 

“Hey Zayn,” Niall says loudly, causing the two of them to spring apart. “Remember that time that Harry was a blushing mess?” Harry’s face flushes on cue and Louis frowns at them.

 

“Yeah, now he’s about two steps away from being a pornstar, I’d think.”

 

“It’s been four months,” Harry grumbles, his cheeks tinting even more when they chuckle.

 

Niall leans forward, daring Harry to argue again. “I saw you- _you know_ \- If that doesn’t give me a free pass to make fun of you guys, then I have no idea what would.”

 

Harry concedes that point, but it does make Louis wonder if they’re moving too fast.

 

“Are we moving too fast?” Louis asks Harry when they get back to his room later that night. (The nurses either haven’t noticed or just simply don’t care that they’ve been spending almost every night in each other’s rooms.)

 

Harry shrugs, pulling off his shoes and putting them by the door. “No?” He moves over to wrap his hands around Louis’ waist, nuzzling his nose into the older boy’s neck. “Why do you think that? Is this because of what the boys said?” Louis frowns a little, but doesn’t say anything. _Of course it was what the boys said_. “They were just taking the piss, Lou, honest. I don’t think that I’m anywhere close to being a _pornstar_ or whatever Niall said. I just like you a lot is all.”

 

“You don’t think it’s too soon for me? Like, after everything?” _Everything_  is such an ambiguous word, but Harry understands.

 

He still chooses his words carefully. “I think that everyone heals in their own way, love. They take their own time, it’s not like you have a set period of time to heal.”

 

Louis nods, accepting that answer. “I feel ready again. Like, after everything that happened with Nick I never thought that I’d be capable of feeling things like this again. Or, at least having true feelings for someone. But, I do. Have feelings. Like-“ Louis searches Harry’s eyes and when he finds nothing but open and honest sincerity, he smiles. “Like, love. Feelings. Like I think I love you.”

 

Harry smiles. “I think I love you too, Louis Tomlinson.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes, a smile stretching across his face. “I _do_ love you. No question about it.”

 

"I love you too."


	2. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this has just been a fucking mess, I'm so sorry. Everything got super messed up and I changed it from separate chapters to all one chapter and divided into parts and then I had to read over everything and jfc I'm sorry.
> 
> If you stuck around for this wild ride, kudos to you.
> 
> -N

"Babe?" Louis calls from the kitchen. "I think I burnt it again."

 

Harry walks in, shirtless and with their five year old clinging to his side. "I don't understand how you manage it Lou, I swear." He pulls Gracie off of his hip and hands her to his husband. "It's just a grilled cheese." He tosses out the charred brick that Louis had worked hard on and starts from scratch.

 

"It's take a special skill, you know." Louis grins at Gracie and pokes her in the nose. "I hope for your sake that you've got Daddy's skills in the kitchen."

 

Their lives have come together beautifully, Louis decides, looking at their perfect daughter and their homey little flat.

 

It was hard, of course. Louis got out of the hospital four months before Harry, and it was terrible for them both. They had to go from practically living in each other's pockets to only seeing each other once a week during visiting hours. Louis got a job at the shop down the road from the hospital and sometimes he could sneak in for lunch, but other than that they were limited in their time together.

 

He doesn't regret anything though, Harry had time to heal on his own, and Louis thinks that maybe that's just what he needed.

 

They still see the other boys, of course. Niall's living in London, apparently deciding to channel his anger into boxing, as he's become an instructor there. Zayn and Liam are still together, happy and just as in love as Louis and Harry. They live one town over and they have barbecues once a month.

 

They both finished their schooling within a few years and found jobs to settle into and it's been great; living with Harry. Their passion hasn't died away and as far as he can tell, Harry's not grown bored of Louis yet. Their schedules have matched together perfectly, Harry working nine to five at a law office in Manchester and Louis teaching drama at the school that their daughter will be attending. Louis gets off work in time to pick their daughter up, he plays with her until Harry gets home, and then he makes dinner for them. It works and it's perfect.

 

They fight sometimes, but it's always over stupid stuff like leaving the TV on, or deciding who would get up to take care of Gracie when she went through, what is commonly referred to as, The Great Teething Stage of 2022. They get over it quickly, because neither of them are really the type to hold grudges and to be honest, they can't quite keep their hands off each other for longer than a few hours anyway.

 

So they're happy. They're in love. They've got a perfect daughter who's got a quick wit and charming personality, one who can make friends with everyone.

 

So, yeah, they're doing all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic ever, so try not to be too brutal... Comments are appreciated, of course.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> -N
> 
> (Creep at me on tumblr if you'd like: [arrowinheart](http://arrowinheart.tumblr.com/))


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